Paper Pregnancy

Today DH and I met with our lawyer to start the petition to adopt our precious son. We have the parental relinquishment/consent to adopt affidavit from the bfather... which is HUGE! There was a time in the adoption process that Angie, DH and I were terrified to contact the bfather as we weren't sure how willing he would be. As further proof that this was meant to be, however, the Lord watched over all involved and when we did contact the bfather, though he was initially unsure, he quickly agreed (we believe after he spoke to his fiance) and has been on board ever since. Only weird thing is, I sent him a thank you note with the affidavit and he returned it with the signed paperwork... What does that mean? Was it an accident? Does he not want to have anything to do with River? The things that make you go, hmmm.... (a little shout out to early 90's R&B there!)

At our meeting with the lawyer we filled out the petition paper work and got a run down of what needs to be included with the petition. Here are the next steps in our adoption journey.

• Get fingerprinted for FBI and CBI background checks. (I must say it does bother me that we have to have the FBI and CBI approve us before we can be parents but unfortunately they aren't the only ones)
  
• Get a background check through Colorado's Social Service Dept. to make sure we haven't been convicted of any crimes against children.
  
• Check with the county we live in to see if they will require a home check be included with our petition.
  
• And then hurry up and wait thanks to the above mentioned bureaucracies we have to work with.
  

I must clarify that these are the next steps that we are aware of. I'm sure there will be more. But all I care about at this point is the fact that we are starting the official adoption process and are thus one day closer to legally becoming River's parents! DH and I are ecstatic to say the least!

Let the paper pregnancy begin. I know, I know, it is a little backwards. Usually pregnancy comes before a baby but we are rebells and are doing things our own way. For those unfamiliar with adoption lingo, the adoption process is sometimes referred to as a paper pregnancy because often the weight of the paperwork required to be filled out in the adoption process is pretty close to the extra weight you would have gained in a pregnancy. Crazy isn't it?

And now the best part of my post. A picture of River snuggling with Nico before bed!

Better late than never!

Okay, so today is October 19th, 4 days later than I was planning on writing this post, but as the title says, better late than never!

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. As I mentioned in my very first blog, even though River is an only child (so far) here on earth, he has an older sibling (we feel strongly she was a girl) that was too beautiful for this world and is now watching over him in heaven. She was due on January 15th, 2008 but born just two weeks after we found out we were expecting her in May 2007, just 6 weeks into gestation. I would like to take this opportunity to write a blog in remembrance of her.

DH and I started trying to get pregnant around November/December 2006. After a few months of no luck we decided to track my cycle to help increase our chances of getting pregnant. At the end of that first tracked cycle we found out that our efforts had paid off and we were expecting our first child. I was beyond excited because this was something that I had wanted for several years. It was so exciting to go to my first appointment at the Women's Clinic and learn all about what I could expect over the next 8 months. It was awesome to see how excited DH was about the prospect of becoming a father. Though we didn't know whether we were expecting a boy or a girl, we gave her a name for when we spoke to her and when we made plans for the changes she would make in our lives. As I mentioned in a previous post, DH comes up with some interesting nick names, and hers was no exception. We named our little one Bill Murray... Yes, you read that correctly, Bill Murray after the actor. Don't worry, that was just a nick name, NOT what we were going to name her when she was born!

We found out we were expecting the week before Mother's Day. So as a fun way to tell my family we waited until Mother's Day to break the news and gave my Mom a positive pregnancy test as part of her gift. It didn't go as well as we had hoped because it took my family a good five minutes to figure out what it was! But it still was very cute to see their reaction when they finally did. Once they found out it was difficult to tell who was more excited, DH and myself, my Mom or my niece Abby. She kept on asking me, "Are you really pregnant? Am I really going to have a cousin finally?" It just made me all the more excited about this bundle of joy working away at coming into the world.

I will keep my discussion of when we lost her lost her to a minimum because that is not what I want to focus on in this post. I will just note that it was a week after Mother's Day that I started to miscarry. It was the most difficult loss I have ever had to deal with. Even to this day I miss her so much and think about her daily. I can't wait until I get to meet her in heaven!

As part of the grieving process, on her due date, DH and I took a half day at work and went to a Build-a-Bear workshop to build a little stuffed animal representative of our lost angel. At first I knew that this would help me in my grieving process but eventually I wanted this stuffed animal for our children to represent their older sister that is up in heaven watching over them. The stuffed animal is a cute little monkey to represent the silliness that we have in our family with a lions roar when you press her paw to represent that she will always be there to protect them. On September 14th, the torch was passed when our little family of 2 finally became 3.

Thank you so much for being a part of our family, Bill Murray. We all love you so much! You have taught me so much and continue to on a daily basis! From lessons on the true miracle of life to strong power of the love of a mother for her child. You will always be loved. Never forgotten!

Bill Murray Preston - May 2007
"Their tiny feet go before us to show us the way home."
-Unknown

We sure do love you! ~Love, Mom, Dad, and River

For those interested, I have added the Pregnancy and Infant Loss banner to that bottom of my blog. This is also a link to the website. It has great ways to commemorate the lives of these precious angels that were lost too soon.

A Few of My Favorite Things...

No this post will not be about the time I sang "My Favorite Things" when auditioning for "Guys and Dolls" back in High School. Mostly because I can't sing and I don't know what I was thinking when I auditioned for a musical in the first place!!

Instead this post is in honor of the one month anniversary of my beautiful son's birth. So to celebrate his first 30 days on this earth I have put together a list of my 30 favorite moments since becoming a mother.

• Getting to be in the delivery room with Angie, DH, my mom, my MIL and lots more family for the miraculous event of River's birth.
• Getting to help deliver River and thus have my wish granted to be the first person to hold my son.

• Getting to see River for the first time. My first thought was that we had picked the perfect name for him. He was so beautiful and full of life that only the name River could fit him. He was so alert and peaceful when he was first born. He just came out perfect!

• Getting to nurse him when he was only one hour old. I'm not going to lie... it hurt a lot, but it was worth every "Ouch!" moment and continues to be!
• Getting to look at him. He is so gorgeous! There are times when DH and I spend long periods of time just simply looking at him and talking about how handsome he is.

• Getting to dress him in cute baby clothes. He is so cute as it is... throw a cute little monkey onesie on him and he is to die for!
• Watching him fall asleep because he makes the cutest little faces. He smiles, sticks out his tongue, and blows bubbles.
• Watching when he is awake and alert. His eyes are so big and vibrant and again he smiles, sticks out his tongue, and blows bubbles.

• Listening to the little cooing noises he makes. Even his cry is cute!
• Watching as he crosses his eyes while working hard to push out a poop. It shows true dedication :)
• When I first realized that I could express milk. Not like a mother with all of the postpartum hormones, but more than I had expected! My guess is he is getting 1-2 tablespoons per feeding. Fingers crossed that it will eventually be more!
• When he started to get more fussy and I was able to find the exact positions that he liked to be in to help him feel better.

• Seeing how much DH loves him and what a wonderful father DH is to him. My love grew so much stronger for DH in a way I never realized was possible.

• Seeing how much everyone in my family loves him even though he is not biologically theirs. From my mom taking advantage of every excuse she can think of (even the smallest excuse like helping me hold him) to come up and see River. To my niece saying one morning when she thought she was too tired to go to school, "No, I can do this because I can get strength from my cousin River." As one of my friends on the adoption discussion board once said, DNA is so overrated :)

• Squishing into our tub with DH and River to give River his first bath. Can't say that this was one of River's favorite moments, though. He cried the entire time.
• Watching DH give River the first bath that he actually enjoyed. DH was so happy and we got some amazingly adorable pictures!

• Whenever I dance around with River when he is fussy to Flogging Molly, 50 cent, and Elton John. I think it is safe to say that this is one of River's favorite moments, too, because he is almost always instantly calmed.
• When I realized that River likes the band Flogging Molly because all I had to do was put in their new CD and he was instantly soothed. Fans of punk music, I highly recommend their new album. How can you not love Irish punk music? River does!
• Whenever I get to lay down on my back and have River lay on my stomach. We take naps together like this often during the day.

• When River first started looking at me whenever I held him or fed him. He knows I'm his mom!
• When I took River into work one day and while my coworkers were holding him he kept on looking at me because he recognized me.
• The fact that my fear of not feeling like his mom or having him not recognize me as his mom did not come true. As a matter of fact it has been quite the opposite!
• Whenever I receive text messages from Angie about River. She has sent me some of the most beautiful text messages and they have ment so much to me. She lives up to the nick name of Angie because she is truly angelic!
• Rocking River in the glider and singing lullabys to him to help him go to sleep. Even though I'm not that great of a singer (I didn't get a part in Guys and Dolls or any musicals in High School) but he always falls asleep so it must not be too terrible!
• Whenever I get to take him out with me on my errands. After years of wishing, hoping and, dreaming of it I am finally one of THOSE people... a parent with a car seat and a little monkey mirror in my car so I can make sure he is okay while we are driving.
• Getting together with my sister and my niece Tessa who is 3 weeks older than River. He is so lucky to have a cousin so close in age. They will have so much fun together.

• Whenever I am making dinner with my precious angel in his swing sleeping sweetly. It is times like this that I feel like such a mom. And though as a young feminist I thought this would be like a death sentence, as a (hopefully) more mature adult I realize it is the best job in the world.
• All of the support and love we have received from family, friends, coworkers and even strangers. Knowing that we are in their thoughts and prayers is so wonderful.
• Getting our first picture taken as a family all wearing our Slayer shirts. DH is from Great Falls, MT where butt rock is still in style and only recently did the mullet go out of fashion. So needless to say, heavy metal music runs through his veins.

• When at two weeks old I watched River roll over from his stomach to his side and then onto his back. I was simplly in awe of how quickly he learned to do that. He's got some buff arms already! He also loves to push with his legs and has since he was less than 24 hours old. What feats of strength, eh?

So there is my list. At first I thought 30 items would be plenty to list all of my favorite moments, but it turns out it is far too few! I have enjoyed being a mother so much these past 30 days. I'll be honest in saying that late nights with little to no sleep are difficult, and I have cried, but it is definitely worth it otherwise the world population wouldn't be over 6 billion strong, right? I can't wait to see what the next 30 days will bring and I look forward to raising this perfect little soul, hearing his first words, watching him take his first step, helping him with his homework and all of the rest of the fun stuff. Along with all of the tough stuff, too, because that is when he gets to teach me.