River's Choice

I follow a blog on RSS Feed that is actually a series of comics written by Jess and Bert who are both Vietnamese adult adoptees. It is called Adopted the Comic. I love their comic/blog for so many reasons but first and foremost because it is such a huge relief as a voracious reader of the adoption blogosphere to have a place where we can go to laugh together. So much of what I read is gut wrenching, educational, sometimes accusatory and almost always emotionally taxing. Nothing is wrong with that. That is what I want. I want to learn. But I want to laugh, too. Laughter has mighty powers of healing and teaching, too. If humor was a drug I would be considered an addict :)

One of their most recent comics brought up a great question for me to consider and for you to consider if you are interested. (Note: this is a fun experiment even if you aren't an adoptive parent) Check it out here:

If Adoptees Could Choose

If the choice of adoptive parents was in the hands of adoptees how different would their adoptive parents look? For non-adoptive parents, if the choice of parents was in the hands of the child how different would their parents look? Because, really this question could be asked of any child. What choice did any of us have in who our parents are? In adoption, though, there is that period of time where the range of possible parents is almost infinite.

So, what do I think River's choice of adoptive parents would look like? Right now I think he would prefer adoptive parents that wouldn't foil his mischievous shenanigans, would allow him to destroy any laptop he so chose, would allow him to stay up all night and drink caffeinated beverages all day, and would let him live outside permanently, feral.

As he gets older I imagine he may wish his adoptive parents were more affluent than we are, didn't sing silly songs in public that embarass him, didn't insist on always eating whole, unprocessed, organic food because his friends totally aren't into that "stupid green stuff" and make fun of his packed lunches, played the sports he is interested in so that we could teach him to excel in them just like us, weren't LDS because it ain't no Sunday Only religion and some people think we are weird and part of a cult.

As he starts to process his adoptee status and what that means for him as he develops his identity what characteristics will be the most important to him? Would he prefer to have adoptive parents that could afford to send him to any college of his choice? Would he prefer to have adoptive parents with a large family so that he can have many siblings to play with and share his childhood with? Would he prefer those siblings to be adopted as well? Would he prefer to have adoptive parents that can afford to take him around the world so he has a more rounded view of world politics and the importance of diversity? Or will the simple things like letting him stay up late and eat fast food have the most importance to him? I don't really know yet. He is still too young to have any preference, really. But it is an interesting question to continue to ask myself throughout my journey as a parent. I think it just may be a great way to reevaluate my course and determine if I'm headed in the right direction. No, I'm not going to let him get away with murder, but I do want to be the adoptive mother he needs and would want me to be.

Here are some other great comics from the same site:

Parental Worries - My FAVORITE. Because while I know that adoption involves loss and grief it is comforting to know that I'm not the only category of parent that wonders if their child's behavior is a sign that I effed up. And I love the "Hey, as parents we are all going to eff up in some way or another so get over yourself!" message at the end.

Greatest Fear - Bert says in the written part of the post: "... this one comes from what seems to be a huge fear and elephant in the room for adoptive parents in that they fear having the conversation about adoption with their adopted kiddo(s). It’s almost like the “sex” talk (and if you think about it, you have to have the sex talk to have the adopted talk, so you should all think about that!).

Parents are always scared of it, probably because it’s new to them. But the funny thing is, for us adoptees, it just is. We don’t know any different and secretly chuckle at the fear. 'Hey, we’re adopted. Cool. Can I go back to playing video games now?'"

Arizona - Whether you agree with the way Arizona has decided to deal with illegal immigration or not you can't deny this is funny :)

Thankful Thursday

Today I have picked two things to sing my public praises for:

The Book of Luke - Yes, Luke as in the Apostle who's book is one of the Four Canonical Gospels in that old book that calls itself the New Testament. The same Book of Luke that begins with the most famous telling of Christ's birth (Luke 2:1-20). I decided to read the whole book this month and it has single handedly saved my grinchy heart this season.

It also starts out with one of my [least] favorite topics. Infertility! It tells of Elisabeth and her husband Zacharias and their struggles with infertility. In case you aren't hip to it, Elisabeth is the mother of John the Baptist and cousin of Mary, the mother of Jesus. How much would it have sucked if she didn't get pregnant with John prior to Mary getting pregnant with Jesus? Nothing like being "well stricken with years" and "barren" (Luke 1:7) and finding out your underage cousin is pregnant out of wedlock :) I tease, I tease!

Curious George the show on PBS Kids - I rely on this crazy little monkey every morning for 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to make progress towards getting myself and River out the door. River is still not all that interested in TV but will drop everything to watch Curious George run amok. And he'll laugh and point at George throughout the entire show. It is just one big, 30 minute ball of productivity and cuteness :)

Gratuitous Cuteness.

Lately I haven't had many photos on my blog. Partly because I have been talking more often about adoption in general. And partly because this is what the majority of the photos I take look like these days:

No, I'm not referring to the Beiber hair he's rocking. I'm reffering to the fact that I generally have 2 seconds to snap a picture of him before he melts down. Apparently, in his little 2 year old mind any moment involving a camera where he is not allowed free reign to bang it against the nearest hard surface or browse through stored pictures laughing his cute little fake laugh like he is recalling great times - is pure, gut wrenching, agonizing torture.

Note: In case you were wondering, yes, he is wearing my earings.

Luckily this weekend the camera gods smiled down on us and we were able to capture this gem:

Note: Before you scoff at me for teaching my son such bad manners I assure you though I did teach him to laugh when someone toots or burps he came up with this one all on his own. He doesn't even like milk! I guess milk straight from the jug tastes better?

We were also able get some great professional photos with Gina and my Mom. Here is one to preview but I encourage you to click here to see the rest on her blog. I even make an appearance in a couple of the pictures :)

Note: I learned this weekend that it is not advisable to put a tight stocking cap on your son's head prior to a photography session. Even if he is begging you to because he thinks the doggy on it is hilarious. Unless of course you want his hair to be immortalized (along with your shame) looking all a ragamuffin in the pictures.

"Perhaps our eyes need to be worked by our tears once in a while so that we can see life with a clearer view again." ~unknown

Adoption Free and Funny Friday: Where does he come up with these things?

Every day on at least a few occasions I find myself with the overwhelming urge to climb into River's brain and figure out how it works. The way he works through things, what makes sense to him and what does not is almost an obsession of mine.

One of the things that River has struggled with has been language skills. He started out early with words like "light" and "kitty" at 11 months old. Then around 13 months he abandoned them in lieu of finger pointing and grunts. I don't blame him I mean really when you have two people hovering over you meeting your every need why bother with words? I'm sure any great king or pharoh would be able to tell you that.

Luckily over the past 6 months he has been slowly but surely working his way back into the speaking world. And I have found myself obsessed with the words he chooses to pick up on. Words that describe the things he loves like dog/doggie, car, or train hold no interest to him. Instead he prefers words like bubble, Ammon (the name of his nanny's dog), and tree. Monday he just randomly started saying the word "shoe." Then yesterday he started saying this gem...

boob

Yes, you read that correctly. He has started saying boob and is fully aware of what the word means. How do I know this? Oh, perhaps it is because he says the word over and over again while running after me with his finger pointed out trying to poke me in the...

boob

One might think that the word boob would rarely be used in daily conversation for a child to pick up on. Apparently, though, we must use boob quite often. I guess I have already written it 5 times in one sitting. Really it has to be one of the funniest words in the English language.

And I suppose he is a boy and all. But does the obsession have to start THIS early?

Boobies!

Adopt. Adopted. Adoption.

According to dictionary.com the word "Adopt" has 6 definitions. Only one of which is specifically related to the adoption that I write about. This wasn't surprising. I find that the word is used often in conversation but rarely (outside of the adoption blogosphere, of course!) in the same context as the adoption that I write about.

For me, though, it has and only will ever have one meaning. And everytime I read or hear the word spoken, regardless of the context, it always brings with it that rainbow of emotion I feel about my only definition of adoption.

I know I'm not alone. And I know adopt. adopted. and adoption aren't the only words that society uses nonchalantly while for some of us our stomachs are left in flips. If anyone is interested in sharing I would love to hear what words have a similar effect on you.

Examples of other words that work me over similarly: Pregnant. Miscarriage.

And to a lesser extent: Fertile. Birth.