Movin' on up... to a new clothes size.

First things, first... when you read the title, read it to the tune of the theme song for "The Jeffersons." Is it stuck in your head yet? Hopefully, because it is stuck in mine and I just thought it would be cool if simultaneously several people in several different states would all have the same song stuck in their head! That is if anyone still reads my blog :)

So River hit the big 3 month old mark (and 13 week mark) on Sunday. I can't believe that he is 3 months old already! Even though he has only been with us for 3 months it is difficult to remember what life was like without him. I can't believe I lived for 28 years without him since he is the light of my life. It just doesn't seem like it has been 3 months since September 14th. At what age is it that time just starts to fly by? I turned 28 years old this year but really I only feel 22-23. When someone asks my age and I say 28, part of me thinks, "28? Wow, whoever is that old is REALLY old... I mean, that is almost 30!" I wonder if that is a good or bad thing?

Here is an illustrated list of the latest developments in our lives over the past month:

• As the title to this post indicates, River has officially outgrown most newborn clothing and fits best in either 0-3 month or straight up 3 month old clothing. It is fun to have new clothes to dress him in. Sometimes he looks so cute I either want to swallow him whole or punt him through the nearest field goal. I know this may sound weird (unless you are my friend Lori with whom I came up with these random ways of expressing how cute we think something is) but I promise you that it is a good thing!
  
• I started back to work part time on December 1st. I work 12-6 pm Monday thru Thursday which is great. I do enjoy what I do. I am a civil engineer and I work in water resources which includes designing water and wastewater systems and dams, calculating base flood flows and delineating floodplains for municipalities and Native American Tribes, designing erosion control methods to restore and protect rivers, etc. I always thought I would be the strong woman who excels at motherhood and work, but I must say, if I had my druthers I would be a full time mom. It is the best job ever!
  
• We are extremely lucky and were able to have a family friend offer to nanny for River while we are at work. We wanted to go with a nanny for River because we want the best care for him. She is an awesome nanny! She is a mother herself to grown children, is CPR certified, he is the only child she watches and she is very flexible with her schedule. This is a huge blessing because even though my schedule is predictable, DH's is not. Sometimes River is at her house for 2 hours, sometimes 6 depending on how long of a day DH works. We don't know what we would do without her :)
  
• Our portrayal of Jesus, Mary and Joseph at our church's Christmas party went off without a hitch and was a HUGE honor! Even though River is often fussy in the evening he was perfect that night and thus played baby Jesus to a T! It may have been all of the Christmas lights that were up in the church gymnasium, though. He is fascinated by them.
  On River's 3 month b-day, my niece Izabell came over and helped me put up the Christmas decorations. I had intentions to put them up much earlier but time got away with me until Sunday. We have a fake tree for the first time this year but I think it looks great and is more in line with my green-hippy tendencies than a live one. Up until this point my traditionalist tendencies out weighed my earth saving tendencies when it came to the Christmas tree.

• River loves the lights on the Christmas tree. One night he sat for almost an hour watching the lights and chewing on his fists while I did work in the kitchen. DH was skeptical at first about putting up a tree and decorations since we'll have to take them down in a week or two, but once he saw how much River loved them, he was glad we did it even if it was a little late.
• It is tradition each year that my family goes to the Christmas light display at the Denver Zoo. It is always lots of fun but this year will be so much more fun because we get to see how much River and my niece Tessa will love being surrounded by the lights that captivate them so much.
• I have started exercising with River each day. I was inspired to do so when I realized that without doing anything more than walk and bounce a baby around I managed to lose almost 10 lbs! So each morning I put him in his Baby Bjorn and we walk up and down the stairs for 20 minutes. It makes me sweat, it makes my legs ache, and it puts him to sleep :) After that we do mommy and baby yoga. I don't know if I have mentioned this in any previous posts but I am a yoga-holic. I have been doing yoga for almost 8 years now and hope to one day open my own yoga studio. I hope River likes yoga, too, because it is so good for us physically, emotionally and even spiritually. Okay, I better move onto the next item or I'll write a novel on how much I love yoga!
• We spent Thanksgiving in Great Falls, MT with DH's family. It was the first time in a long time that his entire family was together. This is no small feat as there are 9 kids in DH's family and they were all there with their kids. There were over 30 people (I think the total was 32) at Thanksgiving dinner. It was fun but very wild and crazy. As a matter of fact River had a very tough time with all of the noise and craziness. He was very happy to be home when it was all over. Next year he will have a blast, though. He has a cousin named Noah who is 10 months older than he is and next year they will be old enough to play together and I know they will love it!
  

• While in MT, Angie got to see River for the first time in 2 months. At times this was challenging for me because it is difficult to not be the only one who loves River like a mother. However, I couldn't ask for a better first mom for River than Angie. He is a very lucky little boy! He will always have twice as much mother's love as most children and he doesn't have to wait until he is old enough to open his adoption file to find that out. He will always know it!

So much seems to happen in short periods of time since I have become a mother. I'm afraid I may have forgotten some things in my illustrated list. But hopefully I will get better at this and start posting at least once a week so I don't have to do monthly updates and forget things. I know, I know, I always say that and have yet to follow through but at some point in time I have to be able to follow through, right? I did recently learn (thanks to DH) that our laptop has a drive I can plug the camera card directly into so I can easily download pictures onto the computer and we bought a separate drive to store pictures and music on so we don't have to ration our pictures anymore for fear of overloading our computer. Now we have 160 gigs to devote strictly to them.

I hope everyone is having a great Christmas\Hanukkah\Holiday Season enjoying family and friends! I am so thankful this year for the financial stress that DH and I have been under because as we are unable to afford many of the tangible gifts that we usually give at this time of year we have been able to instead focus on the reason that we celebrate Christmas in the first place... the gift of the birth of Jesus Christ!

2 months old on National Adoption Day!

How perfectly appropriate! I started crying when I saw on the news that today was National Adoption Day. I knew November was National Adoption Month, but this was a surprise... a very touching surprise. I was struck yet again by another neat little coincidence. River has had several of these along with innumerable blessings in his short 2 months of life. Here is a list of the updates, coincidences and blessings we have encountered over the last month:

• On Wednesday (November 12th) River had his 2 month well baby checkup. He weighed in at 10 lbs 6 oz and is now 22.5" long. I think he is longer, though, because he was pretty scrunched up when she took the measurements. His head is 16" in circumference. For weight and length he is right in between the 25th and 50th percentile. For head circumference he is over the 75th percentile line. I was very surprised that he was so low in the percentiles but our doctor said that so long as his growth parallels a percentile line he is right on track. Sho'nuff, his growth is parallel. Except for his head... that has grown faster than expected. A sign he is going to be one smart cookie :)
• He is getting very close, but has yet to have grown out of any of his clothes. The only exception to that being that he did outgrow a hat which isn't surprising based on the results of his growth measurements!
• We have been asked to play Jesus, Mary and Joseph for our church Christmas party. This is a huge honor and a neat opportunity for our little miracle to portray Christ our Savior who was a miracle as well. I also cried when we were asked to do this. Am I an emotional wreck or just a proud mother? Hopefully the latter!
• This was River's first Halloween and he was a pumpkin. First off he spent the day wearing an adorable jack-o-lantern onsie that my grandma and grandpa had bought for him. But then his gdiaper leaked through requiring a wardrobe change. So he wore another cute little jack-o-lantern outfit that he inherited from his cute cousin Teancum. Then, he spent the night in adorable Halloween pajamas that his grandma (Gala) bought him.
• Another note on Halloween: I wanted to carve pumpkins with River since this was his first but when I went to the store (several actually) they had already removed their pumpkin piles :( So I bought a lighted plastic pumpkin and we carved an old red pepper from the crisper. I actually decorated the house and was super excited for trick-or-treaters on River's first Halloween but because a few people weren't home and several other homes are vacant and for sale, only 3 groups of kids trick-or-treated on our cul-de-sac :( I was offended! Though it did mean we were able to watch the newest Indiana Jones with very few interruptions, so that was nice.
• River will very rarely in his life utter the words Grandma or Grandpa. Instead, on my side he will call my mom Mimi and my dad Papa. On DH's side, he will call my mother-in-law Gala, and my father-in-law Papa Bear. I have been blessed to have all four of my grandparents still in my life (my dad's parents are even visiting us today seeing River for the first time since they live in Georgia). To River, they will be Gigi and Papa Jack (my mom's parents) and Gigi and Papa Lynne (my dad's parents). I am exited about this because his grandparents and great grandparents are such special people, I want them to have special names as well!
• River is now a smiling, talking fool! First thing when he wakes up (in the morning and after naps) and gets some food in his belly, he smiles and tells cooing stories for at least 30 minutes. His smile ratio is at least 2-3 per minute which makes Mommy and Daddy very happy. Even when he wakes up at 4 in the morning he does this which makes it very difficult to be upset or to want to try to put him back to sleep. Unfortunately, that means we are enforcing bad habits... I know, I know, we are such terrible parents!
• River has become very responsive to his mom and dad. He loves to look at us and all we have to do is look at him or smile at him to get a smile from him that threatens to take over his entire face. It is to die for!
• I have been told by two unbiased sources that River looks like me. First was his pediatrician at his well baby exam and second was a family friend who received the announcement we sent out and immediately called my mom to tell her how much she thought he looked like me. I love these moments but I along with pretty much everyone in our families agree that River looks more like DH. My mom thinks his expressions look a lot like mine did when I was River's age, though. I'll take whatever I can get because he is so cute anyone would love to be told River looks like them!
• Though many of my friend's babies and my niece, born around the same time River was, are now sleeping long stretches at night, River is not. On 3-4 occasions he has slept from 10:00 pm to 3:00 am, however, he is usually up every 3 hours if not more frequently. It has been really bad lately since he has come down with a cold and sometimes wakes up because he can't breathe through his nose :( Any advice from mothers on how to get him sleeping better through the night would greatly be appreciated! Or any advice on how to treat his cold would be great, too!

Well, it has only taken me 2 1/2 weeks to complete this post so I will leave it at that for now. There is plenty more to come and now that I'm back to work I will be better about posting more. My work ethic is amazing isn't it?! But hey, I just heard a statistic that 25% of people with internet access at work look at porn during business hours so I think it is okay to skive off of work for some blogging every now and then because it is a worthwhile cause! Stay posted for pictures and updates on Thanksgiving in Montana :)

Paper Pregnancy

Today DH and I met with our lawyer to start the petition to adopt our precious son. We have the parental relinquishment/consent to adopt affidavit from the bfather... which is HUGE! There was a time in the adoption process that Angie, DH and I were terrified to contact the bfather as we weren't sure how willing he would be. As further proof that this was meant to be, however, the Lord watched over all involved and when we did contact the bfather, though he was initially unsure, he quickly agreed (we believe after he spoke to his fiance) and has been on board ever since. Only weird thing is, I sent him a thank you note with the affidavit and he returned it with the signed paperwork... What does that mean? Was it an accident? Does he not want to have anything to do with River? The things that make you go, hmmm.... (a little shout out to early 90's R&B there!)

At our meeting with the lawyer we filled out the petition paper work and got a run down of what needs to be included with the petition. Here are the next steps in our adoption journey.

• Get fingerprinted for FBI and CBI background checks. (I must say it does bother me that we have to have the FBI and CBI approve us before we can be parents but unfortunately they aren't the only ones)
  
• Get a background check through Colorado's Social Service Dept. to make sure we haven't been convicted of any crimes against children.
  
• Check with the county we live in to see if they will require a home check be included with our petition.
  
• And then hurry up and wait thanks to the above mentioned bureaucracies we have to work with.
  

I must clarify that these are the next steps that we are aware of. I'm sure there will be more. But all I care about at this point is the fact that we are starting the official adoption process and are thus one day closer to legally becoming River's parents! DH and I are ecstatic to say the least!

Let the paper pregnancy begin. I know, I know, it is a little backwards. Usually pregnancy comes before a baby but we are rebells and are doing things our own way. For those unfamiliar with adoption lingo, the adoption process is sometimes referred to as a paper pregnancy because often the weight of the paperwork required to be filled out in the adoption process is pretty close to the extra weight you would have gained in a pregnancy. Crazy isn't it?

And now the best part of my post. A picture of River snuggling with Nico before bed!

Better late than never!

Okay, so today is October 19th, 4 days later than I was planning on writing this post, but as the title says, better late than never!

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. As I mentioned in my very first blog, even though River is an only child (so far) here on earth, he has an older sibling (we feel strongly she was a girl) that was too beautiful for this world and is now watching over him in heaven. She was due on January 15th, 2008 but born just two weeks after we found out we were expecting her in May 2007, just 6 weeks into gestation. I would like to take this opportunity to write a blog in remembrance of her.

DH and I started trying to get pregnant around November/December 2006. After a few months of no luck we decided to track my cycle to help increase our chances of getting pregnant. At the end of that first tracked cycle we found out that our efforts had paid off and we were expecting our first child. I was beyond excited because this was something that I had wanted for several years. It was so exciting to go to my first appointment at the Women's Clinic and learn all about what I could expect over the next 8 months. It was awesome to see how excited DH was about the prospect of becoming a father. Though we didn't know whether we were expecting a boy or a girl, we gave her a name for when we spoke to her and when we made plans for the changes she would make in our lives. As I mentioned in a previous post, DH comes up with some interesting nick names, and hers was no exception. We named our little one Bill Murray... Yes, you read that correctly, Bill Murray after the actor. Don't worry, that was just a nick name, NOT what we were going to name her when she was born!

We found out we were expecting the week before Mother's Day. So as a fun way to tell my family we waited until Mother's Day to break the news and gave my Mom a positive pregnancy test as part of her gift. It didn't go as well as we had hoped because it took my family a good five minutes to figure out what it was! But it still was very cute to see their reaction when they finally did. Once they found out it was difficult to tell who was more excited, DH and myself, my Mom or my niece Abby. She kept on asking me, "Are you really pregnant? Am I really going to have a cousin finally?" It just made me all the more excited about this bundle of joy working away at coming into the world.

I will keep my discussion of when we lost her lost her to a minimum because that is not what I want to focus on in this post. I will just note that it was a week after Mother's Day that I started to miscarry. It was the most difficult loss I have ever had to deal with. Even to this day I miss her so much and think about her daily. I can't wait until I get to meet her in heaven!

As part of the grieving process, on her due date, DH and I took a half day at work and went to a Build-a-Bear workshop to build a little stuffed animal representative of our lost angel. At first I knew that this would help me in my grieving process but eventually I wanted this stuffed animal for our children to represent their older sister that is up in heaven watching over them. The stuffed animal is a cute little monkey to represent the silliness that we have in our family with a lions roar when you press her paw to represent that she will always be there to protect them. On September 14th, the torch was passed when our little family of 2 finally became 3.

Thank you so much for being a part of our family, Bill Murray. We all love you so much! You have taught me so much and continue to on a daily basis! From lessons on the true miracle of life to strong power of the love of a mother for her child. You will always be loved. Never forgotten!

Bill Murray Preston - May 2007
"Their tiny feet go before us to show us the way home."
-Unknown

We sure do love you! ~Love, Mom, Dad, and River

For those interested, I have added the Pregnancy and Infant Loss banner to that bottom of my blog. This is also a link to the website. It has great ways to commemorate the lives of these precious angels that were lost too soon.

A Few of My Favorite Things...

No this post will not be about the time I sang "My Favorite Things" when auditioning for "Guys and Dolls" back in High School. Mostly because I can't sing and I don't know what I was thinking when I auditioned for a musical in the first place!!

Instead this post is in honor of the one month anniversary of my beautiful son's birth. So to celebrate his first 30 days on this earth I have put together a list of my 30 favorite moments since becoming a mother.

• Getting to be in the delivery room with Angie, DH, my mom, my MIL and lots more family for the miraculous event of River's birth.
• Getting to help deliver River and thus have my wish granted to be the first person to hold my son.

• Getting to see River for the first time. My first thought was that we had picked the perfect name for him. He was so beautiful and full of life that only the name River could fit him. He was so alert and peaceful when he was first born. He just came out perfect!

• Getting to nurse him when he was only one hour old. I'm not going to lie... it hurt a lot, but it was worth every "Ouch!" moment and continues to be!
• Getting to look at him. He is so gorgeous! There are times when DH and I spend long periods of time just simply looking at him and talking about how handsome he is.

• Getting to dress him in cute baby clothes. He is so cute as it is... throw a cute little monkey onesie on him and he is to die for!
• Watching him fall asleep because he makes the cutest little faces. He smiles, sticks out his tongue, and blows bubbles.
• Watching when he is awake and alert. His eyes are so big and vibrant and again he smiles, sticks out his tongue, and blows bubbles.

• Listening to the little cooing noises he makes. Even his cry is cute!
• Watching as he crosses his eyes while working hard to push out a poop. It shows true dedication :)
• When I first realized that I could express milk. Not like a mother with all of the postpartum hormones, but more than I had expected! My guess is he is getting 1-2 tablespoons per feeding. Fingers crossed that it will eventually be more!
• When he started to get more fussy and I was able to find the exact positions that he liked to be in to help him feel better.

• Seeing how much DH loves him and what a wonderful father DH is to him. My love grew so much stronger for DH in a way I never realized was possible.

• Seeing how much everyone in my family loves him even though he is not biologically theirs. From my mom taking advantage of every excuse she can think of (even the smallest excuse like helping me hold him) to come up and see River. To my niece saying one morning when she thought she was too tired to go to school, "No, I can do this because I can get strength from my cousin River." As one of my friends on the adoption discussion board once said, DNA is so overrated :)

• Squishing into our tub with DH and River to give River his first bath. Can't say that this was one of River's favorite moments, though. He cried the entire time.
• Watching DH give River the first bath that he actually enjoyed. DH was so happy and we got some amazingly adorable pictures!

• Whenever I dance around with River when he is fussy to Flogging Molly, 50 cent, and Elton John. I think it is safe to say that this is one of River's favorite moments, too, because he is almost always instantly calmed.
• When I realized that River likes the band Flogging Molly because all I had to do was put in their new CD and he was instantly soothed. Fans of punk music, I highly recommend their new album. How can you not love Irish punk music? River does!
• Whenever I get to lay down on my back and have River lay on my stomach. We take naps together like this often during the day.

• When River first started looking at me whenever I held him or fed him. He knows I'm his mom!
• When I took River into work one day and while my coworkers were holding him he kept on looking at me because he recognized me.
• The fact that my fear of not feeling like his mom or having him not recognize me as his mom did not come true. As a matter of fact it has been quite the opposite!
• Whenever I receive text messages from Angie about River. She has sent me some of the most beautiful text messages and they have ment so much to me. She lives up to the nick name of Angie because she is truly angelic!
• Rocking River in the glider and singing lullabys to him to help him go to sleep. Even though I'm not that great of a singer (I didn't get a part in Guys and Dolls or any musicals in High School) but he always falls asleep so it must not be too terrible!
• Whenever I get to take him out with me on my errands. After years of wishing, hoping and, dreaming of it I am finally one of THOSE people... a parent with a car seat and a little monkey mirror in my car so I can make sure he is okay while we are driving.
• Getting together with my sister and my niece Tessa who is 3 weeks older than River. He is so lucky to have a cousin so close in age. They will have so much fun together.

• Whenever I am making dinner with my precious angel in his swing sleeping sweetly. It is times like this that I feel like such a mom. And though as a young feminist I thought this would be like a death sentence, as a (hopefully) more mature adult I realize it is the best job in the world.
• All of the support and love we have received from family, friends, coworkers and even strangers. Knowing that we are in their thoughts and prayers is so wonderful.
• Getting our first picture taken as a family all wearing our Slayer shirts. DH is from Great Falls, MT where butt rock is still in style and only recently did the mullet go out of fashion. So needless to say, heavy metal music runs through his veins.

• When at two weeks old I watched River roll over from his stomach to his side and then onto his back. I was simplly in awe of how quickly he learned to do that. He's got some buff arms already! He also loves to push with his legs and has since he was less than 24 hours old. What feats of strength, eh?

So there is my list. At first I thought 30 items would be plenty to list all of my favorite moments, but it turns out it is far too few! I have enjoyed being a mother so much these past 30 days. I'll be honest in saying that late nights with little to no sleep are difficult, and I have cried, but it is definitely worth it otherwise the world population wouldn't be over 6 billion strong, right? I can't wait to see what the next 30 days will bring and I look forward to raising this perfect little soul, hearing his first words, watching him take his first step, helping him with his homework and all of the rest of the fun stuff. Along with all of the tough stuff, too, because that is when he gets to teach me.

Introducing, River Shane!

I apologize that this has taken me so long to get together. I really wanted to create a cool slide show with my own music to accompany it, but I kept on running into roadblocks. First I was limited to pictures from my phone and DH's because the cord that connects our phone to the computer is still MIA! Second, I couldn't find any program that would allow me to add my own song to the slide show. So, unfortunately, this one is silent. But, if you are familiar with Ben Harper songs, hum either "By My Side" or "Gold to Me" as you are watching the following slide show :)

I will post more details later but DH just went to bed so I am on River duty and of course some of our favorite shows are premiering tonight... Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, American Dad. If only Fox would add Arrested Development, South Park, Futurama, and the Planet Earth series to their Sunday line up, they would have all of our favorite shows.

The following pictures have been taken over the last 2 weeks. River turned 2 weeks old today! The pictures include random shots hanging out at home with our precious little miracle and pictures of the family (Dad, Mom, older brother Lukin and older sister Nico) out on River's first hike out of the womb. River made this exact hike "in utero" days before he joined our family with DH, my MIL and of course Angie.



I hope you enjoy the slide show! Let me know if you know of any programs that will allow me to create a slide show that will allow me to add my own soundtrack.

p.s. Yes that is a Slayer onesie that he is wearing in a few of those pictures! But more on that later :)

My son, the statistic.

According to parents.com only 5% of babies are born on their due date. Well, I am happy to announce that River may very well be included in that 5% of babies. His EDD is September 14th and sure enough today Angie's midwife put her on the schedule at the hospital, Sunday September 14th, to be induced! As long as they are not too busy we will be headed into the hospital at 6:30 a.m. So cross your fingers, say a prayer, do a fertility dance, whatever you can think of so that we will be able to get in early and that Angie's labor will go as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I am SO excited to finally get to meet my little man but I am nervous because I officially only have 3 days to:

- spend some last minute quality time with DH,
- wash all of the clothes and blankets I got from my baby showers,
- fold and put said clothes and blankets away,
- wallpaper and paint his nursery,
- clean the bathrooms and finish other various household chores,
- turn all of the projects I am working on over to other engineers,
- exchange a few items from my showers for some necessary items including a changing pad,
- get parental rights and guardianship papers together and ready, and
- sleep as much as possible.

I can do that all in 3 days right? Luckily, Angie and my mother-in-law set up River's room last week putting the crib set together, setting up toys, bouncy chairs and my new glider in the nursery. They also set up the bassinet which is more of a priority since we plan on having him sleep in our room in the bassinet for at least a few months. Just in case you weren't aware or in case I haven't said it lately... Angie and my MIL are the BEST!

3 days left and counting... I call dibs on holding River first!

From the mouths of babes...

Because River's arrival is (hopefully) only days away I thought I would clear out a few of the skeletons in my closet. This is difficult to admit but since starting the adoption process I have developed a serious addiction .... an addiction to blogs. Wait, not all blogs. Blogs that fit one of two criteria. The blog must be about adoption or the trials of trying to conceive. I would say that I check all of the blogs that I have linked on the side of my page at least a few times a week. Sometimes even more! I don't know if I would be considered a "heavy user" of blogs or not, but it is starting to effect my work and personal life :) Am I a horrible person or what? I know, I know the nursery needs to get wallpapered and painted, the yard needs to be weeded, the toilets need to be cleaned but learning about adoption and sharing in other people's experiences will help me be a better mom, right? Well, at least that is what I tell myself when I start feeling bad about neglecting my work and my home!

Now, if you don't mind I'd like to take a minute to shamelessly plug some of the blogs I have been using to feed my addiction as of late. My first plug is for my friend Margie's blog, Fort Caughlan. I have mentioned her before but not by name. Way back when I blogged about making the announcement at work I mentioned a coworker I met because she was adopting, too. Well, that coworker is now so much more than a coworker! She is my friend Margie! Shortly after we started talking she got her referral for a baby boy due just 5 days after River! How cool is that? Since then we have totally bonded and are friends, confidants and even exercise buddies. It is so cool all of the friendships I have forged since starting this process. I have enjoyed that so much I would highly recommend adoption to anyone!

My second plug is for a particular post on the Johnson-McCormick "Party of 5" blog. The Johnson-McCormick family adopted twin boys from Haiti and just recently added a baby girl to the family through natural conception. I love their blog because when DH, River and myself are ready to expand our family again, I hope to both conceive naturally and eventually adopt from Haiti. I particularly enjoy reading about the dynamic in their family in regards to adopting interracially and mixing bio and adopted children. When their daughter Meera arrived I anxiously awaited news on how the twins would react to her. When they finally posted some of the thoughts that Kyle and Owen had on their sister, I was moved to tears. Click here for a direct link to the post I want to share. There are several other topics and pictures in the post so you can browse through the whole thing to learn more about them or you can scroll down to the picture of Owen holding Meera while she sucks on his pinky and he sucks on his thumb. The paragraph starts, "One day Owen said to me, 'Me and Kyle were adopted. And Meera was adopted, too!'" The thoughts they had so beautifully captured the miracle of children whether they be bio or adopted I was shocked to remember they are only 4 years old! I honestly couldn't have said it better myself. From the mouths of babes, right?

Milk making blues...

In my very first blog I mentioned that there were many paths that my life had taken recently that I had never expected to find myself on. Today I am going to blog about one of those paths... breastfeeding an adopted child.

To be honest, until we were a month or so into adoption process I had no idea this was even a possibility. It wasn't until I started announcing to close friends and family members that we planned on adopting that I found out that it was. My first reaction to the idea was less than positive... I mean, is it natural to do that? How much work would it be and how much would it cost? What if I failed at it? Would it make me feel even worse about my body's ability to take care of a child? For these last reasons, DH has been unsure as to whether or not he should support my decision.

However, my interest in inducing lactation increased as more and more of my friends and family recommended it. So I started to research it online and discussed it with my wonderful discussion board friends, my gynecologist and my naturpathic doctor (I told you I was a hippy!). My gynecologist wasn't as keen on the idea because I have a very delicate hormonal balance and she was afraid I would make things worse by increasing my prolactin (the hormone associated with lactation) levels. But from everyone else I found the following benefits:

1. Great bonding opportunity (a given)
   
2. Health benefits for River (though I won't be able to produce colostrum)
   
3. Increase chances of getting pregnant (post breastfeeding of course)

I already knew the first two and really wanted that for my son and my relationship with him. As I'm sure any adopting mothers can attest, this process comes with huge fears that either the child won't recognize me as his mother or I wouldn't feel like his mother... just like a babysitter for a child whose parents never came to pick him up. So I was immediately attracted to those benefits. However, the last one definitely caught my attention. It was completely unexpected and as a woman with fertility issues, ANYTHING that increases chances of getting pregnant piques my interest. So if you don't mind if I digress off the topic of lactation momentarily, here is an idea of what commitment I've made to getting pregnant:

What I've done - read stacks of books on infertility, spent significant money on ovulation predictor kits, preseed and pregnancy tests, woke at 5 am even on the weekends to get accurate basal body temperatures (bbt) to chart and determine the health of my cycle, seen a naturpathic doctor and an acupuncturist, seen my gynecologist SEVERAL times each time breaking down in tears in front of her, timed "doing the deed" based on ovulation schedule, sat in very uncomfortable positions for long periods of time after "the deed" to increase chances of getting pregnant, spent hours and hours online researching tricks on how to increase my chances of conceiving, posted daily questions for ladies on the trying to conceive boards, meditated, did special fertility yoga at the end of each cycle and of course prayed, fasted, and cried (a lot).

What I've taken - currently take over 50 vitamins and supplements a day on recommendation of naturpathic doctor and acupuncturist, drink really gross tea the second half of my cycle to help tone ovaries, take baby aspirin every other day during the second half of my cycle to increase blood flow to the uterus and ovaries, and I tried Clomid for one month.

So, you can see now why this would catch my attention! With all three of those HUGE benefits I decided to go ahead and do it knowing that not everyone would support my decision. I'm sure everyone has those same thoughts that I did early on, but they don't have the opportunity to work through them for the benefit of an adopted child like I did.

Now that I have given some background, here is where I am at right now. I have been pumping now for a little over 3 weeks. I rented a medical grade pump from a local pharmacy and try to pump as often as possible. I should be pumping every 3-4 hours (even at night) but with my schedule that is next to impossible. I generally pump 2-3 times a day and am hoping to up that to 4-5 now that River's arrival is really not that far off. I may even get so bold as to start pumping at work. We'll see how desperate I get because I named this post "Milk making blues" for a reason... I'm still not producing much milk! Maybe a half dozen drops a DAY. River can't live off of that! I also take herbal supplements to increase milk supply including Blessed Thistle Seed, Fenugreek Seed, and Borage Oil. I also take a tincture called "Mother Love Herbs" and "More Milk Tea" because I couldn't find hops tea (yes, the same hops used to make beer and which my mother in law describes as tasting like old dirty socks that a teenager has worn for a month straight) to help as well. Any other recommendations from ladies who have done this before?

I am not totally on my own with this, though. I also purchased a supplemental nursing system called LactAid from my wonderful friend Ruth so that will help because he can nurse but also get supplemental formula from the nursing system. I'm hoping that if anything, once he's here and regularly feeds using the LactAid system maybe that will help me with my seemingly failed attempt to induce lactation? Maybe? Hopefully? If anyone has experience with this, let me know. And of course if anyone is considering doing the same and has any questions feel free to post them and I will do my best to answer them with my limited knowledge.

I hope I haven't scared anyone away from potentially breastfeeding an adopted child. Instead I just wanted to share my thoughts and frustrations on the topic to get feedback from those with experience and to let those considering it or in the process like me know that you aren't alone. I would highly recommend it to any other potential adopting mothers and I can tell you 100% that the sacrifice for your child will be worth it.

I apologize for the length of this post but want to say thanks to all of those who have made it to the end with me. Here are some pictures of the pump and supplemental system I am using.

My new ball and chain:

My supplemental nursing system (Thanks Ruth!!):

And the verdict is...

... not going to be revealed yet! Sorry. According to the poll, Little Frog won by one vote. However, some votes came in from people who didn't get a chance to vote using the poll and of course DH still needed to vote, too! We have tallied the votes and are considering the front runners based on price. Once we decide, purchase and set up the winning candidate we will post pictures. Thank you all for your support and of course for voting!

Since we don't have a winner to announce yet, I thought I would take this opportunity to brag a little on my husband. On Saturday August 9th DH passed the Masters Plumbing License exam! And without even studying for it that much. He may not think so, but I know that he is one smart cookie. As an engineer (who one would consider to be smart) I am always jealous of how intelligent, quick and practical his thought process is. I consider him more of an engineer than I am because he can "engineer" anything. I like to call him MacGyver, not because he has a rockin' mullet (though he used to!), but because he can take the most simple items and use them to create something very useful. He's definitely the guy you'd want to have with you if you ever found yourself lost in the woods. Plus, he's some serious eye candy, too!

So CONGRATULATIONS B.Dole (that is his nickname) for a job well done on your test and on Black Hollow Plumbing. And thank you for all of your support over the past 6 years that we have been together. I don't know what I would do without you!

Here are some then/now pictures of DH. The first picture was taken at a live show with his first band Cat Gut Scrapper back in 2000. The second picture was taken in our basement while he and his friend Aaron (the same one that gave us the crib) jammed this year with their new band With Nico In The Basement. Just in case you are wondering, yes! that is Aaron to the right of DH in both pictures. If it weren't for Aaron, DH would still be living in Montana so we owe a lot of thanks to him!

River will have one cool dad don't you think?

Crib sets, not Presidents

As the days remaining before River's arrival seem to plummet at an alarming rate, my excitement is starting to turn into panic. I must embarrassingly report that his nursery has not progressed much since the "Before" pictures were taken. This has caused me considerable stress because I feel that it reflects poorly on my organizational and mothering skills. Dumb, I know especially since he'll be in a bassinet in his mom and dad's room for the first few months of his life!

However, I don't want to slack on this because if I think things are busy now, when River arrives I will be beside myself! I have found 6 crib sets that I like online because I can't find anything at Target that we like (let's not even discuss the drama with Babies 'R' Us right now!) and I need all of the help I can get narrowing it down so we can purchase a crib set and get that out of the way! So in honor of this years historic election, I'm holding an early election... but on crib sets instead of Presidents :)

Before I unveil the pictures of the crib sets I like, allow me to give you a little info on our theme. I like the colors blue, green and brown (as you can see from the crib set candidates) and like bears, monkeys and frogs for themes. We already have the light green sign and frog from my sister that MUST be included so don't forget to choose which one you think would match those as well. Our crib is light blond wood, the carpet is baby blue, the trim in the room is dark wood (70's style), and the walls will be painted a neutral off white color/tan color. That being said, I would like to introduce to you the 2008 Crib Set Candidates for River's Nursery... May I get a drum roll please?

Day at the Zoo



Baby Boy Blue



Spunky Monkey



Papagayo



Jungle Tales



Little Frog



In addition to the picture, if you click on the title, it is linked to a page with more details on each set. Please take some time to browse through the candidates and once you have made your decision, vote using the poll on the left side of the page. If you choose the "Other" category and have other suggestions, please include a link in a comment or email if you have my email address. For all those who have had problems posting comments, please don't fear the poll. It is as simple as a couple of clicks, just check the one you like and then hit "vote!" You can vote for more than one if you are undecided and you can vote as many times as you'd like. The poll will be open for the next 6 days at which time we will announce the winner and post pictures of the candidate once it is purchased and set up :)

Thank you all for your help! I can't wait to see which candidate wins!

Give Peace a Chance (3D Ultrasounds)

Today we got to go with Angie and get a 3D ultrasound of little River. It is a free service offered by the clinic that she goes to for prenatal care which was great because otherwise they are expensive!

I have had butterflies in my stomach all day and they got exponentially worse as we made the trip up to the ultrasound room. River is only 6 weeks away from his due date so I was afraid he might be too squished to get any good pictures of him. When the tech took the first picture I was afraid my suspicions had been confirmed because all we could see was a really blurred face that made him look like Michael from the Halloween movies with a mask over his face! But, with a little patience we were able to get some great pictures.

I may be a little biased, but I think he is gorgeous! He looks like a perfect little angel. Though he kept on playing with his lips and making faces at us, so perhaps behavior wise he isn't as angelic as he looks :) Check out the pictures and let me know if you agree!

I love how he has his little fingers in his mouth. He kept on playing with his lips which was so cute. It also looks like he's giving us a peace sign so maybe he was just letting me know that he is a hippy too. Regardless, I am just in awe of how perfect he is. He has the cutest little button nose, pouty little lips, chubby cheeks and everything you could ask for in a handsome little baby boy!

Only bad thing about these pictures is now I am getting extremely impatient and can't wait for his birth! My arms just ache every time I look at these pictures because they are ready to hold him and love him infinitely!

Why snake?

Okay, so this is one post that I am really anxious to have reader participation on. So put on your commenting shoes and we'll be on our way... If you have ever wondered why I chose the name "snake" on the trying to conceive discussion boards or the name "riversnake" for my blog, regardless of whether you know me online or in person, I am writing this post for you!

When I first signed on to tryingtoconceive.com to participate in the discussion boards (almost one year ago) I had to come up with a screen name to login. Without hesitation I typed "snake" into the appropriate box. It wasn't until I started reading everyone elses screen names that I realized how weird my name may be to those who didn't know why I chose this as my screen name. So here is my first question for you all to answer in your comments. What was your first thought when you saw my screen name? (i.e. did you think I was weird, did you hesitate to respond to my posts, etc.)

My husband is very cute in the way he expresses his love for family, friends and of course ME! You know you mean something to my husband if he gives you a nick name. His nick names are rarely normal and always evolve until he hits one he really likes and then it sticks. Here are some examples of his nick names... His older brother's nick names are Harry, Lumpy and Shave (or Sheila). Side note: his brother's with the nick names Harry and Lumpy both had them tattooed on their feet! His younger sister's nick name is Jim Bob Jones. He calls his mom Lyn Crow or Moose. Our dogs nick names are Mouse, Crow or Pouncer for our female boxer and Chad or Elk for our male boxer.




My nick names over the 6 years we have been together have included Jail (my name, Jill, said with a southern accent), Snail, Pail, Piley (because I pile mail and other junk around the house), Latey (because I'm always late), and the list could go on if my memory was better. However, for the last 6 months to a year, my nick name has been... you guessed it Snake! And since my partner in crime trying to conceive and adopting has been my husband I only thought it fitting to wear the nick name that he honorably bestowed upon me loud and proud!

So there you go! That is the official reasoning behind the screen name "snake." However, I will answer to the name of snake, riversnake, or my real name Jill. Whichever you prefer. Just not "Jill Pill." There is only one person on this earth that can call me that, and that is my mom! As an extra treat if you'd like to put a face to the name, here is a picture of my husband and I with my niece and nephew sitting outside of Casa Bonita, a true Denver landmark!



Now my final question for all of you is if you had to guess the reason behind my screen name, what would you have guessed? Can't wait to hear all of your answers!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Sincerely,
Jill (jail, snail, pail, piley, latey, snake, riversnake)

p.s. You all know where the "river" part of "riversnake" came from right?

p.p.s The pictures that I posted didn't come out very well so if you click on them you should be able to view them from my photobucket album and get a much better quality picture. Let me know if it still doesn't work for you!

p.p.p.s If you don't know how to comment see this post.

Quotes and gdiapers

On quotes.... The yoga magazine that I subscribe to has some pearls of wisdom written on the back page of the issue this month that I wanted to share with everyone in hopes that they give you a good laugh or inspiration as they have for me.

"Children are the orgasms of life. Just like you did not know what an orgasm was before you had one, nature does not let you know how great children are until you actually have them."

Now I can't speak from experience as to whether or not that is true but I thought the shear cheek of comparing kids to orgasms was too funny to not share :)

"The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness."

So that is what I have been doing wrong!

"Stress is related to 99% of all illness."

And is it related to 99% of all infertility issues as well? If so, how do you get rid of the stress in your life? Unfortunately, I must report that I searched through all of the quotes on the back of the magazine for the answer to this question and all I got was a pitch for yoga, vitamins, and "going green." I guess yoga magazines don't have ALL the answers... ;)

On gdiapers... As I mentioned in previous posts I have purchased what are called gdiapers. They are a combination of cloth and disposable diapers with disposable inserts that go inside cloth covers. The inserts are flushable or throw away-able and when thrown away take only 90 days to decompose as opposed to something ridiculous like 500 years for regular disposable diapers. My mom and dad will be rolling their eyes at this point as they always have when I get on my little environmental soap box. If "going green" isn't for you, feel free to roll your eyes right now, too :)

I'm definitely unsure how well they will work with a newborn so I have a stock of disposable diapers just in case. However, one of the ladies on my adoption discussion board recently posted a review of the diapers on her blog (click here to see review) and gave them very high marks. So I really hope they work. They are also "green" in that the cost is comparable to disposables, if not a little cheaper. Mostly they are so cute that whenever I look at them I can't wait to see how much cuter they look on a beautiful little baby boy!

Here are pictures of the diapers that I have purchased so far. They recommend you have 4 on hand and in my friend's review she whole heartedly agrees.





This is a shot of what the diapers look on the inside. The disposable inside fits into the plastic thingy you can see.



Well, thanks for letting me share my random thoughts with you this evening! I hope everyone had a great weekend!

The cat is officially out of the bag!

I must admit that I was very nervous to make the announcement to my coworkers that my husband and I are adopting. Several women that I work with are either expecting or are new mothers. After each announcement the office seemed to erupt in excitement and celebration. This excitement was unfortunately quite painful when I miscarried because I was mourning silently trying not to let my "girl emotions" get in my way while trying to work in the male dominated field of engineering. And it didn't get any easier when we were blessed with the opportunity to adopt because I was afraid no one would celebrate the same with me since I wasn't taking the "normal" path to motherhood. The one that most people can relate to. Side note: For those who know me, isn't it weird that I would be afraid of that? Even from a young age I preferred NOT to be normal!

I assumed that people would give me strained, knowing looks and say things like, "Isn't that nice!" all while secretly looking down on me for taking what they considered a "lesser" road to motherhood. I know that I shouldn't let the opinions of others effect me. I never let it bother me when people made fun of my (purposefully) mismatched clothes in high school and college. I considered them my own personal art form and instead focused on the people that complemented my unique fashion style including some of my teachers, random people I met at the mall or movie theatre, my friends and peers, etc. But for some reason I have really been sensitive about people looking down on me for adopting. I was irate when someone told me, "How kind of you to give this poor child a good home." Excuse me? That is exactly what the vet said (except switch the word child with dog) when we first brought our rescue dog Lukin in to see her. Adopting Lukin and adopting River are very different situations and I resent it when people treat the two similarly. Perhaps I'm just extra sensitive because of my own insecurities, but I also get very defensive because I don't want anyone to treat River any differently.

Last week I finally buckled down and told my boss. For work reasons alone, I could tell he wasn't very happy. We are pretty swamped right now at work and I'm the third person to take time off and then to drop to part time this year and a fourth will be doing the same at the end of the year. However, thanks to the FMLA he can't do anything about it and so we discussed the amount of time I planned on taking off for maternity leave and the part time schedule I plan on working once I come back. Once I got that out of the way, the Human Resources rep at my work sent out an announcement email to the office. Again I was very nervous because that was when the potential for strained comments and looks would reach its peak. Immediately, however, several comments came in that were very positive! Not only were people celebrating with me they seemed genuinely excited for me and had lots of questions about the adoption process including why I hadn't mentioned anything earlier. The coolest experience came when a coworker I had never met (because she was part of a recent business acquisition and still works from home) emailed me to tell me congratulations and thanks for the inspiration as she and her husband are in the process of adopting. By exchanging emails we learned that we had lots more than just adoption in common including troubles getting pregnant, miscarriages at 6 weeks, and using acupuncture to treat infertility. For me that meant so much because I love talking to adopting parents. It is such a fun community to be a part of and now I have someone else from that community who is conveniently also in my work community.

Daily I am amazed at the way the Lord tailors our experiences us to fit us perfectly so that we can learn and grow the way we need to. I have learned so much over the past 25 weeks and even though it hasn't always been easy, every second has been worth it! I just love what a beautiful story my son already has and I can't wait to share it with him as often as he is interested in listening.

Thank you for listening, too!

Nursery "Before" Pictures

DH and I have made many changes to the house we purchased just over 4 years ago including a completely remodeled master bathroom (which is still in progress 3 years later ;), removal of old ugly wallpaper, new paint on the walls to match our taste, and new carpet on the main level. Each time I wish we would have taken "Before" and "After" pictures to document our hard work. But now that we are working on the nursery for River, I figured I would document the before and after pictures for everyone to enjoy. Basically we need to ditch the old ugly 70's wallpaper and repaint with our nursery theme colors which are baby blue, baby green and brown, get furniture to put the clothes and toys we have in, pull out all of the items that we have been storing in the closet, get a mattress for the crib, get a crib set, put up decorations and all sorts of fun stuff. So here are pictures documenting the current state of the nursery.

I will preface these photos with a warning... Prepare to be launched back into the 1970's... If you are not prepared to relive whatever memories you may have of the 70's you may want to cover your eyes. We've got baby blue AND brown shag carpet along with some seriously dated wallpaper in our basement. We even have a wall of the scenic picture wallpaper that was so popular during the 70's. What scenic scene do we have on our wallpaper you may be wondering? Why what else would you expect.... A River! And I'm completely serious.











We've already got the crib set up and all of the clothes organized by age range into totes. I guess that is better than nothing, but I'm just so anxious for his arrival I want it all done NOW! I can't wait to see how it all turns out! It is going to be a big task but I think it will also be a very fun one. Hopefully it will help the time fly by over these last weeks because I'm already growing impatient for his arrival!

And let me say thanks to Aunt Kristen (my sister) for the cute sign and even cuter frog prince, to Uncle Aaron for the crib and clothes, and Aunt Jami for clothes, toys and a back pack for us to take River out hiking in. And of course I want to thank Angie for the sweet little baby boy that will soon call this home :)

i am a dream come true

Dear River,

Just a quick note to you from your mom as you finish up your last 10 weeks of "cooking in the oven." Your father and I are over the moon and are anxiously preparing for your arrival. We've got your crib, lots of cute clothes and hopefully a dresser to put them in soon. FYI, I'm a hippy and am environmentally conscious so I bought you gDiapers which are a combination of cloth and disposable diapers so that you can be stylish and so your carbon footprint will be as small as possible. But don't worry, that will be the only small footprint you will leave on the world because you will accomplish many great things during your life time, I already know this! Grandma and Grandpa have bought you a stroller/car seat combo, and Grandma and Gigi H. have been busy making you lots of cute blankets. I love them so much I sleep with them at night so you may have to fight me for them ;) Your first mom Angie has bought you some pretty darn cute clothes and has been helping me pick out the items that we need to complete your nursery. Aunt Kristen has bought you the perfect sign to hang above your crib. Simply and beautifully it states, "i am a dream come true." If that statement ain't true, I don't know what is :)



We will continue each day to prepare for you to join our family. I hope that you are as happy to be our son as we are to have you as our son. I can't promise we won't embarrass you. Actually, I can promise you that we WILL embarrass you. I should probably warn you that we like to make up silly songs and dance around to music. I hope you won't mind our sense of humor and that you'll have a good one, too. I know that your name isn't typical and many of our family members have taken a while to warm up to it, but I promise we put lots of thought and love into choosing your name. It is a very strong, meaningful name and hopefully you will agree.

Your dad is my best friend and we love to spend time together so I hope you don't mind hanging out with us. We promise to take you to concerts and help you develop good musical taste. You already have a full band's worth of instruments ready for you to play and you have a dad who is really excited to teach you to play the drums as well as he does. We aren't really into sports but we promise to support you in any sport you want to play. We'll cheer you on and talk with other parents as if we understand the rules of the game. Your dad is pretty creative and I'm kind of smart so we will help you with your homework when you need us to.

But most importantly if you ever need reassurance that you are special and that you are loved, you have not only 2 parents, but 4 that consider you very special and who truly love you. I'm sorry if this letter is a little (okay, actually REALLY) cheesy but I'm so excited for your arrival that I just can't help myself. I know that since you are a boy you will spend your life shunning all things emotional but I hope you enjoy this letter one day when you are old enough to read. You might as well get used to indulging the women who love you (trust me, your wife will thank me one day) because while you shun all that emotional stuff, we spend our lives thriving off of it.

Only 2 months, 5 days left until you are due and I can't wait!

I love you River!

Tired of hearing the same song every time you visit?

I was just checking my blog this evening when I realized that even though "River's Soundtrack" has several songs on it, I was moving around on the site so much that all I heard of the soundtrack was the first few seconds of Death Cab for Cutie's song "Different Names for the Same Thing" and as much as I like that song, it was really starting to drive me crazy! So since it may be driving everyone else crazy as well I just thought I would mention that there are more than just that one song on the player and if you just hit the forward button (the farthest button to the right before the boom box cuts off) you can scroll through them.

Also, I added another link to a family that recently adopted from Haiti under "Haitian Adoption" and guess what? They are from none other than Parker, CO. For those who don't know, I spent my formative years in Parker from 1st grade until I moved up to Fort Collins to go to CSU. So, it was cool to see a family adopting from Haiti living in what I guess could be called "my home town." I wonder if their kids (adopted and bio) go to my alma madders Mountain View and North East elementary? Alright, I better not get into reminiscing or this will be a long night :)

Well, it is late and I am getting tired and this is a pretty uneventful blog so I will keep it short. However, before I go I just wanted everyone to know that soon (once I track down our camera) I will be posting pictures of the wonderful gifts that River has already received from his Aunt Kristen, Grandma, and his honorary Uncle Aaron. Oh and pictures of the gift that I got him on Friday with more information on the product for all of you "green mommies" out there (whether that be environmentally or money conscious). I am so excited about this product and I can't wait to try them out!!!

*** Happy 4th everyone***

(*** those are supposed to be fireworks but they don't look as cool as I'd hoped)

New Link...

I added a new link under the "Stories of Inspirational Families" headline called "Our Losses..." It is a slide show that was put together by one of my friends on a trying to conceive website. She lost 5 pregnancies before finally conceiving a "sticky bean" as we refer to them... otherwise known as a baby that sticks it out for 9 months :)

The slide show does the most AMAZING job of capturing the depth to which the pain/frustration/hopelessness can reach with infertility and pregnancy loss. I encourage all to check it out. It is an educational experience for those who haven't experienced it (and hopefully never will) and is a beautiful tribute to those who have!

Enjoy!

P.S. I think my poll is officially DOA! I haven't received a single comment!

OFFICIAL POLL

To get everyone in the commenting mood I thought I would start a poll. I would love to hear what everyone thinks of my blog so far! Let me know if there is any subject in particular you would like me to address, or if you would like me to post more/less often, or if you don't like the music I have on the blog and want to request another song, or if you don't like my background and want to see something new, or if you'd like to see more pictures, etc. You get the point.

If you have questions on how to post a comment, I have included instructions in the post below. Don't hold back! As a new blogger I'm anxious to find out how I'm doing.

How to post comments.

For those interested (and I hope you all are because I love to get comments since they are my only way of knowing if anyone else is reading this blog or if I'm just writing it for myself) I am including the following information on how to add comments to the blog.

When you click on the comment link for the blog you'd like to respond to you should get a page showing all previously posted comments on the right and a text box on the left under the heading "Leave your comment." Before typing in your comment scroll down the page and type in the word verification directly under the comment box. Next go to the "Choose an identity" section just below the word verification. If you have a gmail account, login and it will help you set up a screen name with that gmail account.

If you don't have a gmail account click on the "Sign up here" link after the words "No Google Account?" This will take you to a page where you can assign a display name to whatever email account you currently use. Once you've filled out all of the blanks on that page click the orange "Continue" arrow and it will take you back to the comments page were you can now type your comment and post it. Once you have done that you have created a Google/Blogger identity that you can sign into when posting so you don't have to worry about going through that process again.

Let me know if you have any questions or if you run into any problems when commenting. You may have to verify your email account before you can post so if the following instructions still do not work, wait until you get your confirmation email, click on the link to verify your email and then just login using your Google/Blogger identity and comment away.

Can I get a Halleluja?

Hmmm... where should I start? Should I give the quick and easy version stating the good news or should I narrate how it all went down so everyone can experience the nail biting, nervous anticipation and then overwhelming, mind boggling elation that we experienced? Well, since no one spoke up I suppose I will go with the latter and hope that you all find this as amazing as I did :)

Calls and emails to our lawyer last week didn't even get a response out of him let alone any news of word from the bfather. Luckily, on Sunday and Monday we had my wonderful mother-in-law (MIL) in town on her way home after spending the weekend with Angie (the bmom). She was headed out "Greyhound Style" (on the bus) Monday morning but first had to exchange her ticket. While waiting with my dear husband (DH) at the bus depot they decided to give the bfather a call. However, despite the notes that she had written and all the worked up anticipation, she got his voicemail and decided to hang up.

Now I'm not sure if this is his usual M.O. or not, but just minutes later he called my MIL back asking if she had just called his cell. She explained that she had and told him who she was (they knew each other from when Angie was dating him so it wasn't a first time introduction) and asked him what he was thinking about the letter he had received from our lawyer. According to him he never received the letter, though some of the legal language he used later in the conversation made my MIL think otherwise. So she explained the situation to him and laid out all of his options for him if he decided to parent the child. Her goal throughout the conversation was to him know that she was there to support him not to force his hand or judge him and according to DH she did a spectacular job! In the end he asked for a few days to think about it which in an of itself was great news to us because we'd already been waiting 2 weeks for an answer, not to mention the months prior to the letter that we had been preparing for River not knowing how the bfather would react. A few days was definitely a time frame we could work with!

My MIL and DH got her ticket exchanged and decided to head to our house to wait until the bus was scheduled to leave. As they were walking in the door my MIL got another call from the bfather. Apparently in a matter of 30 minutes something had happened to help him make up his mind and he asked that all of the paper work be sent to him so he could sign his consent to the adoption! My MIL and DH were doing cartwheels when she got off the phone and when DH contacted me at work I burst into tears of relief! The biggest hurdle that all involved were so afraid of had been overcome :)

I've got to give props to my Heavenly Father because, thanks to His love and guidence, part of me was not surprised at all. Part of me felt like I knew this is how it would go from that beautiful day in February when Angie asked us to adopt this child. The Lord has been there from day one making sure that all the right connections were made and that we all were prepared for such an awesome experience. And who even knows how far back His preparation of all those involved began? In some ways I feel like for me it was the day we found out we were going to lose our little angel last year and in other ways I feel like for me it was way back in the 80's when I first showed my independent streak and decided that the "normal" path was not the path for me whether it was in the clothes I wore, the music I listened to or the career I chose. But most likely it was back before we came to this earth and we were all hanging out together and decided that this was the life that we wanted to live. Angie, myself, DH, bfather, MIL, FIL, my parents, my siblings, DH's siblings, our friends, and of course... River!

I also want to give props to my MIL who had the guts to call the bfather and get this great news for us. We wouldn't have any news to celebrate without her help! I also want to say thanks to all of you who have supported us and kept us in you thoughts and prayers. I want to let you all know that in doing so you have taught us so much about love and we promise to pass it on to the little one :) And last but certainly not least I want to thank Angie and the bfather for the opportunity to bring River into our family. What better gift could anyone give in life?

Can I get an Amen? :)

Happy Angel-versary, Anna!

Not all of God's children need to be born and raised on this earth. Some are so special that they can learn their lessons and teach others the lessons that they need to learn in just weeks or months on this earth. My niece Anna (well, we aren't officially related but we're close enough with her mom and dad that we might as well be) is one of those special children and I wanted to let her know how much she is loved by her (pretty darn close to) family in Fort Collins on this special day.

On June 18th, 2007 Anna was born onto this earth and into Heaven. The Lord knew that she was too beautiful for this world and He also knew that the little angel that my DH and I lost in May of 2007 needed a friend to play with up in Heaven :) Anna's parents put together a beautiful memorial site for her and I have included a link for all those who would like to honor her memory as well!

http://anna.muchloved.com/

We love you Lowry's!

I think I'm finally getting the hang of this!

Today I added a few links that I wanted to share with everyone. The links can be found on the left hand side of the blog under the "About Me" section. They are in two categories, "The Stories of Inspirational Families" and "Haitian Adoption." The Stories of Inspirational Families section has links to the blogs of the wonderful ladies I have met on trying to conceive and adoption discussion boards. They have been more help to me then they will ever know and I want to share their stories with others so their lives can be touched as well. I would recommend checking them out. I do quite regularly :)

The Haitian Adoption section has a link to a great blog by a family who adopted twin boys from Haiti and links to information about the country of Haiti and The Mercy and Sharing Foundation which is a non-profit organization that provides adoption opportunities, housing and assistance to the next generation of Haiti. So why the links to Haitian adoption you may be wondering? Earlier this year, my sister (who just in case she needs reminding, literally is THE BEST!) lent me a book given to her by the author who also happens to be the driving force behind The Mercy and Sharing Foundation. The book, called "Angels of a Lower Flight" tells the story of Susie Scott Krabacher and her journey from Playboy Playmate to champion of the beautiful children of Haiti. I highly recommend it to any looking for an inspirational read. I had tears in my eyes throughout the whole book and finished reading it with a desire to find my son or daughter in Haiti.

The process of adopting River has been a very eye opening experience and I have felt very welcome in the adopting family community. Many of whom have expanded their desire for a family beyond the borders of the US and beyond the borders of race. It is truly amazing and I thank my Father in Heaven daily for the opportunity to see the world through different eyes.

Nothing is set in stone yet, but after getting back on the trying to conceive train a year or so after we welcome (hopefully) River into our family, and hopefully having some children the boring biological way :) I would LOVE to adopt internationally and right now I feel drawn to Haiti. I will also be adding links to information on Ethiopian and Chinese adoption as those are other great countries. And maybe one day Eritrea, too!

Check the links out and enjoy!

P.S. Still no word from the bfather! Grrrr... I'm starting to get irritated :P

A plea for prayers...

Last Thursday, which happened to coincide with dh and I's 5th wedding anniversary, our lawyer sent a letter to the bfather informing him of the bmom's intentions to give the child up for adoption. (Note: from here on out I will refer to bmom as Angie short for Angel, because I don't want to reduce her role to simply just bmom because she is too special for that). We still have not heard from him, but I'm sure it will take some time before he comes to a decision so I'm trying not to let the silence scare me. In the mean time any and all prayers on the behalf of dh and I, Angie, River and the bfather would be great! We are anxiously waiting to find out whether or not he would like us to be River's parents and are hoping that his response will be a belated anniversary gift to us!

Thank you all for your support :)

A river of water in a dry place...

Once we found out that the child we hope to bring into our family in September was a boy my dear husband (dh) and I had a daunting task on our hands... To come to an agreement on a name for a boy. We are big fans of unique names but recognize the importance of not burdening a child with too weird a moniker. (Note: Those who know us are most likely rolling their eyes at this point because what we consider "acceptable" is anything but to them ;) Finding a unique girl name that we also consider presentable to the public is much easier than it is for a boy. And my idea of unique yet acceptable names for boys was MUCH different than that of my dh. I love Biblical names like Isaiah, Malcolm, Elijah... or cute names like Harley and Arlo. But dh insisted that none of those names were tough enough and that he wanted to choose a name for his son that sounded tough like the name of a kid that could beat you up. An added criteria that made things very difficult! After weeks of late night name exchanges, heated debates, and competitions over who could come up with the silliest names we finally settled on the right name... And not just a first name, either. A middle name as well! When we finally put the two together I got goosebumps and we knew we had found the perfect name. And so I would like to present to you our little miracle in progress....

(insert drum roll here)

7 1/2 weeks



9 1/2 weeks



22 weeks





24 weeks





River Shane

His middle name is the name of my dh's oldest brother. He has always said that he wanted to name a son after his brother and Uncle Shane is very honored!

Recently, while reading in the book of Isaiah, I came across the following scripture that I immediately fell in love with.

"And a man shall be as an hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land." - Isaiah 32:2

The meaning behind the prophetic words of Isaiah are a great debate amongst religious scholars, but I can guarantee you that this scripture is NOT referring to my precious son. However, the night that I read this scripture I was overcome with how profoundly it described my feelings about this precious little boy. He truly is my river of water in a dry place. For years I have desperately wanted to be a mother without any luck. But now, provided the adoption process continues to move forward, I will finally have that chance. In the wise words of Homer Simpson... "Whoo hoo!"