Adoption Reading Challenge 2011

I am super excited about joining Jenna from The Chronicles of Munchkin Land in her Adoption Reading Challenge 2011 and would highly recommend everyone check it out by clicking on the graphic in this post or on the right side of my blog.

My goal is to at least reach Level 3 which requires I read 12 books about adoption, 6 non-fiction/6 fiction. I am interested that Jenna included reading fiction in her challenge as well. I never really considered reading adoption fiction because I assumed it would be the same as watching a Lifetime movie on adoption where it is either a nightmare or puppy dogs and rainbows. But I am starting to see the wisdom in her inclusion of fiction and so I will read!

So far I have read the following books on adoption (not this year) with quick Men on Film style reviews:

I was a huge fan of "In Living Color" back in the day!

In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories by Rita J. Simon and Rhonda M. Roorda - "Three words - fa-bu-lous!" A must read for everyone. Especially those considering transracial adoption.

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff - Again, "Three words - fa-bu-lous!" A must read for... well everyone.

Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber - "Hated it!" Seriously, this book lacks compassion. Supposedly it is the handbook for open adoption yet I felt like I was reading about the life of a sabertooth tiger, written by a caveman, in stick sketches. It seemed so out dated and too far removed from the concerns of first parents and adoptees for me to be willing to recommend it to anyone else.

So far these are the books I plan on reading:

Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison

My Father's Daughter by Hannah Pool

Chosen: A Novel by Chandra Hoffman

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

A Little Bit Wicked by Kristin Chenoweth

Yes my list is seriously lacking and yes I stole most of them off of Jenna's own list! Book recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Especially in the fiction department.

As for my recommendation... click on the link and join in!

p.s. Also would love a recommendation on how to fix blogger when it insists on diregarding the pararaph changes and instead smooshes the text all together!

Redneck Essentials.

Mullets,

Mountain Dew, and

Matchbox cars driving around in the grease of a take out pizza.

We rock it!

"Try to put it all behind me, but my redneck past is nipping at my heels." ~Ben Folds Five, Army

Thankful Thursday: I dreamed a dream

Today I am thankful for adoption and infertility internet resources like blogs, discussion boards, online groups, etc. If it weren't for all of the wonderful ladies and gentlemen I have met this way I would not have the support system nor the knowledge I have needed over the years.

The other night I dreamt that on my way to work I stopped in to visit the author of one of the blogs I follow. We sat in the kitchen sipping chamomile tea in oversized gaudy mugs and discussed all things serious, silly and everywhere in between. Our children were in the adjoining living room playing together quietly (obvious sign this was a dream, when does that EVER happen? :) After maybe an hour or so of this we both knew it was time for me to go though no words were exchanged. I collected my purse, lunch, and River and headed to the back door. She was waiting there for me with the key I needed to open her back door into reality and on my way. A little bit lighter, a little more informed, and a little more a part of a community that shares strong bonds regardless of geographic location.

I thought it was the perfect metaphor for what the blogging experience has been for me. Thank you for all who have let me into your virtual kitchens and sipped tea with me while sharing your honest opinions, knowledge and support.

Irritating the never dull small things...

The end of 2010 was quite a test for me. (Note: though I often write about adoption and infertility neither of these was the source of stress for me this time around) Often burnt out on what was going on in my life I spent more time than usual reading blogs. For the most part the reading was a source of great comfort. However, two particular blogs kept on irritating me the way a Julia Roberts romantic comedy irritates me. Oh wait, did I say they irritate me? Sorry, I meant to say her movies are the bane of my existence!!!! (said with a booming voice) Society's existence, even, IMHO :) But I'm a huge fan of reality and reality her movies are NOT!

So when things kept coming up rosy at "Enjoying the Small Things" and "Never A Dull Moment" I wanted to call their bluff with a couple of well placed curse words. Reality is not always that pretty. Not everyone is affluent enough to afford expensive homes, extravagant and frequent vacations, extensive wardrobes for children or a fancy camera to capture all of these great moments. I resented them for not acknowledging that and for almost advertising them as the only way to happiness. Yet, for some odd reason, call it intuition or perhaps insanity, I continued to read them.

And read them.

And read them.

And for some odd reason they began to remind me of a picture I have that is currently stashed away in some random box; location unknown. It is a picture of me and my group of friends taken some time in the the spring semester of my freshman year of high school. Since I don't know where the picture is and can't post it, here is the next best thing:

I have many similar pictures of my groups of friends over the years but this picture will always stand out to me because my best friend/boyfriend David (also in the picture) once remarked that it was the type of picture one might look back on with that sweet feeling of nostalgia for a time long since passed. I resented that assessment. I was convinced we were destined to make it through college and beyond like the pals on Saved by the Bell and take many more similar pictures together. However, only a short year and lifetime of experience later we had all gone our separate ways. Under bad circumstances.

Now when I look at the picture, though, do I think about how badly David broke my heart? Do I think about the fact that my friend Nicole and I were no longer speaking when the picture was taken because earlier in the year we fought over another guy in the group, named Glen, who we both had a mad crush on? Do I think about all of the mean things we eventually said about each other because we were hurt and too young to process the adult emotions we shared? No. I focus on the good times. The fun memories. The love that I have for them, the desire I have for the best for them in all their lives, and the gratitude I have for them for sharing those times in their life with me. The bad times I used to help shape myself into the (hopefully) better person that I am today. The good things I keep in my mental box of memories to pull out and enjoy.

That is when I realized... isn't that most likely what both of those blogs are doing now? Certainly their lives are not perfect. I'm sure there are huge messes and big fights just out of frame of the portion of their lives they choose to share with their readers. But they just may be on to something with this whole "focusing on the positive things and the positive things alone" thing.

Damn.

I guess that means I'll have to eat my four letter words.

Perhaps their positivity is especially a good example for me in this time of difficult trials when the negative threatens to completely blot out the positive. So, starting on New Year's Eve I gave myself the challenge to solve (parental) melt downs with trips to the park, find beauty in even the most mundane moments, and try to capture it all on film so I can look back on these tough times with sweet nostalgia, too. Each week I will be posting the photos I capture as part of my personal challenge interlaced with positive affirmation cliches and fun cheesy quotes.

Don't worry, though! I still hate Julia Roberts romo/comedies and I will still write about reality and how sometimes it sucks because really there is beauty in that as well.

If you are interested in reading these blogs as well check out their links on the right side of my blog. NADM is under my blog list and ETST is under "Funny, Family, Friends." I'm not going to link them here because I don't want to draw attention to my rant. I do love them and as you know this post does have a realistic happy ending.

THE.BEST.POST.EVER.

On grieving the loss of a child.

Tending To Our Wounds

Whoa, there don't everyone rush there all at once! I know it is such a chipper way to start out the New Year :) I just HAD to share because the author does an amazing job describing the grieving process that society isn't built to support or recognize. The author lost her daughter to leukemia 28 days after she was born and I believe that anyone who has lost a child to death (at any age even if it was only measured in weeks of gestation), lost the chance of a child to infertility, lost a child in a failed adoption, or lost a child when placing him/her for adoption will find a kindred spirit in the author and a voice for emotions that often are difficult to describe.

This year I participated in Mel's Creme de la Creme 2010 which is a collection of blog posts written by those in the Adoption-Loss-Infertility (ALI) community. This post was at the top of the list. I would recommend browsing through Creme de la Creme if you are interested. There are A LOT of great posts. Check me out at #142. I submitted my post on Grieving Infertility.

Here's to 2011 being a great one for all of us with answers to our many prayers. Even if it is just to find the ability to grieve and find peace in the journey of our life.