I love this!

First off I want to thank my friend Gretchen for posting this video on her blog. I was so moved by it when I first saw it there that I watched it almost a dozen times in a row. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. Regardless of where you stand on the pro-life/pro-choice battle field you can't deny the opportunities provided through the miracle of adoption.

If this video won't play for you in this post click here for a direct link to the video's location on youtube.

No Competition

So the results of my "Who does River look more like?" poll were a tie between DH and I. We have also been told several times by family and friends (and Angie, too) that River looks like he is biologically our child. At one point my sister even complained to me that River looked more like me than my niece (her biological daughter) looked like her because my niece looks so much like my brother-in-law. But last week when Angie sent me this picture of a picture of her in first grade along side a picture of River I realized that there was no competition.

He definitely gets his looks from his first mommy. A lasting reminder of the love that she has for him in his eyes, cheeks and smile. And when he grows up he is going to be gorgeous!

Shame on you, when I was your age I was 10 months old!

Today River is 8 months old. I still can't believe he is really that old, but I better get used to it because I will probably never believe how old he is. In honor of his crazy 8 months of life here are his top 8 likes and dislikes.

Likes

1. Mommy and Daddy. And I'm not just tooting our own horn (see Dislike #3). He is definitely shy around others. But when he is at home with us he is a moving, talking, giggling, snuggly, comfortable little bug.
2. Baby Dill Pickles. We've started giving him baby carrots, baby pickles, teething biscuits, licorice and other food items that he can hold in his hand and chew on but that don't present a choking hazard. Pickles are by far his favorite. Funny considering how sour they taste.
3. Tummy Time. When he was little I couldn't get him to put up with tummy time for more than 30 seconds without melting into a fit. Now, he sleeps on his tummy and prefers to play on his tummy as well now that he is preparing to move into the crawling phase... dun, dun, dun!
4. Making the motor boat sound. While playing with toys, crawling around, eating, bathing, whatever, he gets into moods where he will make the motor boat sound for five minutes straight only stopping to breathe in.
5. Playing the drums. He loves to pound on anything that makes a good sound. An empty cracker box, the books I read him, the table, the desk, the chest of whoever is holding him, and of course any of the official drums in the house. DH and I often will sit down and play the drums in our studio and River will pound on the bongos and "sing" (basically just making a constant string of sounds) along.
   
6. Louie our kitty. Despite the fact that cats are more independent and we have two dogs that are very loving and patient with River, he likes our cat Louie the best. All she has to do is walk by him to elicit a giggle and when she's around he doesn't take his eyes off of her. Sometimes he gets a devious gleam in his eyes when he sees her so I'm afraid DH may have partner in teasing her when River grows up.
7. Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma. To date this is the only recognizable sound that River makes. He is showing interest in moving on to "ba" but in the mean time he loves to say, "Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma." I'm soaking it in while I can because I know once he does move on to the next sound, "ma" may become a thing of the past.
8. Taking Walks. Whether in a sling or in a stroller walks both interest and relax him. Walks are always a good way to calm his fussy moods. He gets this far away look in his eyes when we are on a walk like he is deep in thought. Deep Thoughts, by River Preston...

Dislikes

1. Having his hands and face wiped after eating food. All babies are different in many ways, but some things, like this, are universal!
2. Getting buckled into the carseat. Again, some thing are just universal.
3. Being held by strangers. In general this is a good thing. We don't want him to be comfortable around real strangers. But when the "stranger" is just a family member that he hasn't seen in a while and he starts crying as soon as they hold him, that makes for some grandmas/grandpas, aunts/uncles with hurt feelings.
4. Sitting still long enough to have his diaper or clothes changed. You have to trick him into staying still. Toys are a great distraction, but even in a pinch the diaper I'm about to put on him will entertain him long enough.
5. Loud dog barks.
6. Loud sneezes or coughs.
7. Loud laughing. Dislikes 4-6 all startle him pretty bad and are almost always followed by tears :'(
8. Pacifiers as they are intended to be used. We knew the era of the pacifier had come to an end when we would put a pacifier into his mouth and he would turn around and try to put it in our mouths or just play with it like the rest of his toys :)

River, thank you for the 8 best months of my life!

Also thank you to everyone who voted on who River looks more like. Looks like it is a tie :)

Strong Women

In the spirit of this time of year when we celebrate the loving, nurturing nature of women on Mother's Day I wanted to share with you the stories of some of the strong women in my life that I am constantly thinking of, praying for and am always, always, always being inspired by.

Angie (the name I use to refer to River's birth mom on this blog which is short for Earth Angel) - Angie will always be a huge inspiration in my life. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult of a decision it was for her to make and stay committed to when she decided to place River for adoption with DH and I. I also can't even begin to imagine the amount of wisdom and love that she had to have to make the decision that she did. This is what has made being River's adoptive mommy such a humbling experience. A selfless and loving person has placed this child with me to raise and hers are not small shoes to fill. So I work daily to raise my son such that she will be proud and will always know that she made the right decision.

Unless you have experienced infertility you will never fully appreciate the strength that must be present in a woman who spends years and ridiculous amounts of money to conceive and give birth to a child and manages through the whole process to remain positive and supportive of her peers as those peers get the BFP's (big fat positive result on an hpt) that she so desperately wants and deserves. A Harvard study showed that women with fertility issues exhibit depression with the same frequency as people who have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses such as cancer or AIDS. Hopefully that kind of puts things in perspective if you have not experienced infertility. The next two strong women are women I have met as my journey to motherhood intersected with theirs. They are both strong women who have struggled with infertility and have always managed to remain positive and supportive of others. If I could have half the strength they have shown in the face of their adversity I would consider myself blessed.

Rhiannon - I met Rhiannon first on a trying to conceive discussion board and then got to know her better on an adoption discussion board as she and her DH started looking into adoption at the same time DH and I were anxiously awaiting the arrival of River. Since I first met her she has maintained an amazingly positive attitude and has always been in the cheering section when someone on the boards finally found their path to motherhood. She has opened up and shared her story and her thoughts on her blog and seems to often post the right inspirational message at the right time to help boost me during a difficult time. I would like to request prayers on her behalf at this time, though, as her and her DH have recently suffered the loss of the child they hoped to adopt when the birth parents decided to parent 11 days after he was born. He was in their care for all of those 11 first days of his life. If you would like to read more of her story click on her name at the top of this paragraph. It will directly link you to her blog.

Devika - Like Rhiannon, I met Devika on a trying to conceive discussion board. Despite how very impersonal posting on a discussion board can be, and the fact that we are separated geographically by the majority of the continental United Sates, Devika and I bonded so well we have maintained a friendship via phone and email. Since we first met our lives have taken us on paths leading away from trying to conceive. Her path has led her in a direction she definitely didn't expect and would probably not even wish upon her worst enemy. Yet, she has maintained a peaceful, level headed, and inspiring attitude. Over the course of my time on the trying to conceive discussion board Devika has shared with me her thoughts on how to handle the challenging times in our lives. The thoughts that she has shared with me have been the most insightful, humbling, thought provoking, motivating thoughts anyone has shared with me during this time. The friendship I have developed with Devika makes the challenges of infertility worth it because I would have seriously missed out if I hadn't ever met her.

Dana -Dana and I met in Fluid Dynamics class, a junior level course in Colorado State's Civil Engineering program. Though one would not guess based on our outward appearances that we would have enough in common to maintain a friendship that would stand up to years living in different states post graduation, Dana and I just clicked and despite the distance have remained good friends. In college I always admired Dana because she was fearless enough to walk up to anyone, most shockingly one of our more challenging professors, and start a conversation. But as the years have passed I have learned that her fearlessness goes beyond the simple things like talking to Dr. Gates. She has faced health issues and the loss of dear people in her life with that same fearlessness that has always been and will continue to be a great example to me. I am so thankful that I can count her among my friends!

My Mom - Last, but CERTAINLY not least is my mom. Growing up my mom did an amazing job raising my brother, sister and I. She was a stay at home mom that made our lunches and gave us a kiss on our way out the door from Kindergarten to senior year of High School. I hope that one day I can be as good of a mother to my children. But my mom (and dad as well) did not stop providing us with the love and support that we needed once we moved out. My parents have taken on debt, traveled many miles to spend time with us, and have even given up the freedom that they should have enjoyed with all of their kids out of the house by helping my brother, a single father, raise my niece and nephew. Even still as they fall prey like most Americans to the down economy they are willing to do whatever they can to help their children and their grandchildren. And despite all of the effort my mom puts into supporting others, she still manages to do it in style with a super cute wardrobe that I love to get hand-me-downs from!

I want to thank all of these women for setting such great examples for me and let them know that their efforts are not going unnoticed. I also want to thank the rest of the strong women in my life that I didn't mention in this post. I don't know where I would be without you guys!

Strong women, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them!

For those of you who don't know...

... today is Birth Mother's Day. If you didn't know this, don't feel bad. I was not aware of it until I started searching the internet for good Mother's Day cards for Angie (River's birth mom) and happened upon several articles about it.

Here is a quick history lesson on Birth Mother's Day. The first Birth Mother's Day was celebrated in 1990 in Seattle, WA. The celebration was initiated by Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh, a birth mother herself, who wanted to recognize other birth mothers as part of her healing process. So on this day 19 years ago a group of birth mothers who attended a support group with Wolch-Marsh met together and the tradition was born. Birth Mother's Day has since then always been celebrated on the Saturday before Mother's Day.

One particular article had some amazing thoughts on Birth Mother's Day and since I couldn't do it any more justice than this I'm just going to quote the article. (click on the word article for a direct link to the site)

"Birth Mother’s Day gives adoptees, adoptive families and birthparents an opportunity to reflect upon, grieve and celebrate the birthmom in their lives separately from the annual Mother’s Day traditions. Even though the occasion is not marked on calendars and Hallmark does not have a market for Birth Mother’s Day cards, it is important to recognize the women who gave birth to North America’s adopted and foster children.

Many people in the adoption constellation have strong feelings about whether Birth Mother’s Day should be a day of celebration or a day of grieving. Others question why birth mothers need a day separate from Mother’s Day to be honored. Even if an adoptive family, adoptee or birth mother chooses not to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day, the occasion does serve one important purpose – it creates public awareness of birth mothers."

The last sentence of that quote is why I am SO glad that there is a Birth Mother's Day in the first place. Personally, DH and I had planned on celebrating Mother's Day for Angie with cards and gifts from us and River regardless. But something that I have really been disappointed in through my experience in the adoption world is the lack of recognition that we as a society give to birth mothers. A very common quote I have found in the adoption community is,

"Childbirth is an act of nature. Adoption is an act of God." (Author Unknown)

I absolutely LOVE this quote and completely agree but I feel that God is the most present in the actions of the birth mother. She sacrifices her own needs and feelings for the benefit of her child and for the family she is placing her child with. I truly believe that Angie and all of the birth mother's in this world have built their mansions in heaven through their selfless acts on behalf of their children. I love Angie so much and am so thankful for all that she has done for us. Our lives would not be complete without River who is present in our lives thanks to her act of God.

For another (and very moving) tribute to birth mother's written by one of the adoptive mommy's whose blog I follow, click here.

Happy Birth Mother's Day!