Are you the Marketing gal?

Disclaimer: The following post is for entertainment purposes (for you the reader) and therapeutic purposes (for me the writer) ONLY! It is not meant to be disrespectful to any woman and the career they choose. Believe me, if I had my druthers I'd ditch my current career for the best career in the world and be a stay at home mom. If choice of career is a sensitive subject for you, please read no further.

Today I had one of "those" experiences that I am sure any woman in a male dominated profession can relate to. Our Human Resources/Office Administrator is on vacation this week so we have a temp taking her place while she is away. This morning, when I arrived at the office, I went straight into the kitchen to put my lunch in the refrigerator. The temp was in the kitchen watering the plants and so I said, "Good morning!" to her. Perhaps not remembering me from Friday when she was taken around the office and introduced to everyone she asked me, "Are you the Marketing gal?" Seems a harmless comment, right? Nothing to be offended by, even? I know the temp meant no harm by this comment but after being mistaken for an administrator a dozen times or so it starts to get annoying!

Why does it get annoying? I have a Bachelors of Science degree in Civil Engineering, and a Professional Engineering license. I have worked very hard to get to where I am today and I have put up with quite enough to be going on about from the men I have encountered along the way. From the day I stepped foot in an advanced math class to this day as I write this rant! Apparently, there is no possible way that as a woman I could be an engineer. So people assume I am an administrator. I think I am nearing the half dozenth occasion on which I have walked past a meeting in the Main Conference Room to have an attendee step out with a thermos of coffee and ask me to refill it because they are running low. What?! I don't even know how to work a coffee maker!

For the most part, these assumptions come with the territory of working in a traditionally male profession and are really only the tip of the iceberg. I've had even worse assumed of me. But every once in a while, even these little things really chap my hide. I guess one of the following must be cut from my life if I am to make it in this profession:

a) my need for acceptance from my peers, or
b) my boobs, fashionable clothing, and cute hairstyle.

I should go with a) but I would be lying if I said that I didn't occasionally lean towards b) because isn't a) just straight up human nature anyway?

Okay, thank you for reading my rant. I feel much better now and have no longer have the desire to get rid of my boobs, fashionable clothing or cute hairstyle at this time :)

On My Mind, Part I: Transracial Adoption

Since Cory and I began our journey to become parents, dealt with infertility and pregnancy loss and eventually came to adoption certain topics have stuck in my mind and have continued to bounce around in there despite the fact that we are not currently pursuing adoption or conception at this time. One of the more common topics on my mind is transracial adoption. I was motivated to write this post after reading a post on one of my favorite Haitian adoption blogs. If this topic interests you as well I HIGHLY recommend reading the post. Here is what is bouncing around in my head on this topic:

At the beginning of our adoption journey while we were awaiting the birth of our son River, my sister lent me the book, "Angels of a Lower Flight" by Susie Krabacher. I may have mentioned this book before but it is the story as told by Susie herself of her life and how it led her to her mission to save the children of Haiti. Her efforts with the Mercy and Sharing Foundation inspired me to consider Haiti my first choice for international adoption. There is just SO much need down there! And at first, this is how simple I saw it... meeting the need on their end and the need on mine. Theirs for a loving, stable family and the opportunity to reach their full potential in a country with far more opportunities and mine the need to find my children. I was very aware that if we went that route that the child we would be adopting would be of a different race. As a religious person, I believe that, if everything worked out, it would be because God wanted that child to be a part of our family and that before we were people with different skin color here on this earth we were kindred spirits in heaven as close to each other as any family brought together biologically. That coupled with the love that I would give them as their mother I assumed that would be enough to break any racial barriers between us. Luckily I have the adoption discussion board I participate in! Many of the wonderful women that I have met there either have adopted transracially or are in the process of doing so. They led me to the wonderful book called "In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories." This book opened my eyes to the fact that there is so much more to raising children of different races than your own than just loving them fiercely and knowing that it is God's will.

Since then I have constantly been pondering and meditating on the topic of whether or not I would be a good parent to a child adopted from a different race and culture. I so desperately want to be! I have friends from many ethnicities, religious beliefs and sexual orientation. If I have a diverse friend base I can parent a diverse family right? Initially I thought so but the more I scrutinize myself, my friends, my family, etc. the following concerns come to my mind:

• Will I as a white mother be able to fully prepare my child(ren) for the racism they would face when they grow up?
  


• Is the community I live in diverse enough that my child(ren) would be able to find good role models and friends that could understand what it was like to be a minority and have the right advice to help them not only cope but excel in spite of it all?
  


• Will my child(ren) be able to fully appreciate their beauty if they grow up surrounded by white family and friends?
  


• Would my family and friends be able to accept my child(ren) and show them the same love and affection as River who despite being 1/4 Hispanic and 1/4 Italian has very white features?


• Will I be able to handle appropriately racist comments whether accidental or intentional, joking or serious are made in the presence of my child(ren)? Especially if such a comment is made by a close friend or family member?

• Am I capable of providing them a loving home where they feel just as much a part of the group as any but at the same time where they feel like their heritage and culture is respected, supported and present in their lives?
  

Perhaps I'm over thinking it. Perhaps I'm taking it as seriously as I should but either way it will continue to be on my mind until we are ready to adopt again :)

Would love to hear all of your thoughts if you have any on transracial adoption!

Double Digits.

I remember back in the day when I turned 10 years old it was SUCH a big deal because I was finally "double digits" old. River is too young to appreciate or even realize that he is finally "double digits" old yet (in months as opposed to years) but it is big for me because he is only two short months from being old enough to measure his age in years. Yikes! Has it really been that long since he was born? It sure doesn't feel like it. Unfortunately, I have reached that age when time seems to go at warp speed.

In honor of the 10 months that our family has been complete here are 10 predictions I have for what we can expect for him as he grows up:

• He will be one busy little boy. He is constantly on the go crawling from one side of the house to the other in what seems like a matter of seconds. I'm hoping it will mean lots of fun and the loss of some of the extra pounds I am carrying around. But I also know there will be many exhausting, trying days.


• He will be one of those little boys that despite my best efforts will constantly have holes in his pants, scrapes on his knees, and dirt on his face from constant rough housing and playing. The other night he was hanging out with me while I was weeding in our rose beds. He was crawling right through the rock landscaping even though those rocks can be sharp. He was picking up the rocks and throwing them all while making his favorite growling sound. 100% Baby Boy!

River and Nico (she is SO patient with him it is amazing!)

• He will be at least a year old before he starts walking. Right now he is completely uninterested in walking. He'll do it if you hold his hands but half way to wherever you are walking him to he loses interest and you have to pick him up or let his legs drag. He loves to stand up on things but doesn't take the next step and walk around using the support of whatever he is standing up on. With the exception of in the bathtub, the very LAST place I want him to be wobbly walking!


• He will be a very snuggly, cuddly boy. We just started playing a game recently where I make a big circle around him with my arms and then slowly tighten up the circle until I'm hugging him tightly and he laughs and laughs and laughs. Once I release him he gives me a big hug and kiss.
  


• He will be a good drummer. Every baby loves to drum in some form. It is an activity they can do with their arms and hands before they really refine their motor skills. Even my weekly BabyCenter recommend getting baby drumming early on for development. However, Cory and River and I spend lots of time working on making music. Cory will be on the full set of drums or guitar and River and I will play one of the smaller drums. As a result I have noticed a marked difference in the understanding and technique River has on the drums. It is enough to bring a tear to one proud mommy's eye!
  


• He will be an adorable little boy and a looker when he grows up. Now, I fully recognize that this opinion could be biased because I am his mom and I would think he was cute even if he had a horn growing out of his head. But both Angie and his bfather are beautiful people and he has so much of their good features that I know he will be the same!
  

River getting a hug and kiss from his cousin Tessa (only 3 weeks apart in age)

• He will have a good sense of humor. I often refer to Cory as my "child by marriage." I'm sure we all as women can relate to feeling, at times, that our husbands are more like children than grown men. However, despite whatever complaints I may have in this regard, Cory's childlike silliness and sense of humor are a good part of why I love him so much. Already he is sharing those characteristics with River who has already taken to them so much that I know once he is able to understand Cory's jokes he will follow suit.
  

River and Daddy enjoying River's first big pool experience

• I will get a taste of my own medicine and have to parent a child like myself that throws what my Mom referred to as "text book temper tantrums" or tempertantrums so bad you only read about them in books! Already the simple act of putting on clothes gets River fussy and don't even think about wiping a booger out of his nose or trimming his finger/toe nails unless you are prepared for him to cry so hard he stops breathing at times. As soon as the torture of regular hygiene is over, however, the tantrum immediately ceases and he is back to happy, bubbly, River.


• He will be a Mommy's Boy. This isn't that much of a prediction as it is already a fact. He loves Cory and I very much and when in the presence of strangers will go to either of us easily. However, when he has a choice between the two of us he shows his love for his mommy and I couldn't be happier about that. It eases the pain of a working mom who wishes her only job could be raising him full time.

River and Me at Great Grandma and Grandpa Craig's House

• He will not be the daredevil we initially thought he would be. When babies are little, little, bouncing is a great way to soothe fussiness, right? Well, River was no exception to that rule. It was the extent of the bouncing required that set him apart from the rest. He needed at least one foot from the top of the bounce to the bottom of the bounce to be soothed. As a result we joked and said he would be our little daredevil not afraid of heights. Yeah, so those days are over! He is now deathly afraid of heights. He loves to climb up the stairs but will only go up a couple before he gets "too high" and needs me to bring him back down. He is also afraid of swimming pools and even sitting in bath water by himself (only a few inches deep). I guess I won't have a daredevil son to go skydiving with me after all!
  

Happy double digits, River! We love you 1,000,000 pounds:)

Serious neglect.

This blog is designed to keep family and friends up to date on River, the adoption process, Cory and I, etc. in addition to being an online scrap book for our family so that we may remember and enjoy looking back on the journey of our lives and the individual journeys that led us to each of our children. Unfortunately, at times those lofty goals are limited by one of the more difficult aspects of my personality.... Perfectionism. I have at least one blog idea a day but often dismiss said idea when I can't figure out how to put it into words or wonder if readers of this blog may think it is silly to post. I have the same problem when I write emails. I go over and over and over each sentence I write so many times that one individual, medium length email can take me up to an hour to write! The result, I neglect my emailing duties and I neglect this blog.

I have lots I want to write about. Happy things and sad things. Relevant things and silly things. Trying to conceive things and adoption things. So, I am making a pact with myself on behalf of all of our family and friends and children to come that I will not allow perfectionism to hold me back because I shouldn't care if one post is not well written or if some one thinks I'm silly for posting something as trivial as the fact that River LOVES to brush his teeth. When we sit around the computer as a family years down the road reading them out loud, laughing at the funny parts and crying tears of sadness and tears of joy for the serious parts, we won't care! We'll love every minute of it.

Perfectionism, I cast thee OUT!

In the mean time enjoy some adorable pictures of River in the doo rag I put on him when we went outside on Saturday to work in the yard. Oh yes, I will raise myself a little hippie just like me :)

Purdy smile!

In this one you can almost see all three of his teeth on the bottom. Click photo to enlarge for more detail. River has 5 teeth now! 2 on top, 3 on the bottom.