Giving Props...

My plan is to start doing this more regularly. Many of the blogs I follow give props to blogs they follow when a particular post rings true or provokes thought and I would like to do the same. Particularly like Amanda does at The Declassified Adoptee. In her Epic Linkage posts she links posts from all members of the triad.

Not a day goes by that I don't read such a blog post (just don't tell my boss that!) and today I read a post that motivated me to do what I've been planning on doing for a long time... giving props to my peeps. Today I'd like to give props to Danielle at Westhaven Kids for her post titled "A few thoughts on Adoption" and Von at Once Was Von with her post titled "Breast is Best?" (click on the bolded titles below for direct links to the post)

A few thoughts on Adoption

I've followed Danielle's blog for a while now. Probably coming up on 3 years. I originally met Danielle along with many other wonderful ladies on an adoption discussion board and have always respected her thoughts on adoption. I was super excited when I saw the title of the post but then was blown away when I read it. Here are some of my favorite parts of her post to get you tantalized enough to read:

"The loss of one's biological family in whatever way (relinquishment, abandonment, termination of rights, etc.) is like the amputation of a limb. Adoption is like a prosthesis. Yes, the prosthesis returns a level of function lost in the amputation. Yes, it is much better then the alternative of, say, spending your life in a wheelchair if you lost both legs. But the prosthesis is not and never can be the lost limb. So we all know that amputation should always be the last option. And we NEVER take it lightly. Doctors work very hard to save a limb and only when all other options are gone do they turn to amputation."

"But we need to always remember that the adoption was preceded by a great loss. Would we ever dream of telling an amputee that they are "better off" with their prosthesis than their real foot? Or that they should be "grateful" they lost their limb so they could have this "wonderful" prosthesis? Of course not!! Would we find it in anyway odd that they missed their limb or grieved its loss or were flat out angry about the lost of the limb? Of course not!! Let's offer the same support to adoptees and acknowledge the deep losses they have suffered in order to experience the prosthesis of adoption."

As an adoptive mother I cannot speak to whether or not this is an accurate analogy from an adoptees point of view. But as an adoptive parent I can speak to the fact that the analogy was amazingly informative to me as an adoptive parent. Thanks Danielle!

Breast is Best?

I think it is also important that I highlight posts that I may not entirely agree with but that are thought provoking and adoption myth busting none-the-less. This post was hard for me to read as an adoptive mother who induced lactation. Now, I didn't use the Newman Goldfarb method which she mentions in her post and involves the use of drugs banned for sale in the US. Because I'm a hippy I have to go all natural. However, the post made me really think about breastfeeding adopted children and the fact that it may be an adoption myth that it is best for all involved. Von says in her article:

"While it's understandable that for the infertile, breastfeeding might feel as if it's fixing what was 'broken', being able to do what 'gestational moms' do, I've yet to hear one adoptee say it was a wonderful, bonding experience which they were happy to be part of. Any adoptee viewpoint expressed so far, has been one of disgust at the idea and there are many reasons for that."

The last sentence was hard for me to read. I'm not a bad mom... on purpose. But I am a mom that has fallen for many adoption myths and for the best interest of my son I want to bust them all so I can be the mother he needs me to be. Because I need help to see adoption from the other sides of the triad I am so thankful for Von and her thoughts as well.

So what do you all think? Would love to hear your thoughts on both posts :)

That's what little boys are made of...

On Friday River set aside his snips and snails and puppy dog tails and channeled his inner spice and all things nice and it was so freakin' cute I had to share along with some well overdue photos.

Friday I wasn't working so after getting up with Cory to read scriptures and pray together I went back to bed and snuggled up with River to catch some additional sleep until he woke up. Well, that lasted a whole 30 minutes and then he was raring and ready to go for the day. I still wasn't so I fixed him a breakfast that could be eaten on the couch (chocolate cheerios dry and ginger ale since he is nursing a cold and cough) and we snuggled up to watch my least favorite PBS show called "Super Why." Why? Because it is TOTALLY sexist! But I let it slide because at least through the sexist overtones it teaches about the alphabet, spelling and reading. Right now I hope he is only picking up on the latter three.

River was too pumped to stay cuddled with me so he grabbed some trucks and started to drive them over the "mountain" my cuddled frame made under the blanket on the couch. He continued to eat his breakfast but must have thought I looked like I needed someone to take care of me because he started feeding me chocolate cheerios one at a time, sharing his ginger ale with me and (this is the best part!) kissing me periodically on the nose. Ahhh, pure bliss is what that moment was! It was one of those moments I wish I could bottle up and carry with me every day in my pocket. Instead, I suppose I will record the story on the world wide web because then it will always be there for me to read on my phone. At least until the zombie apocolypse takes out the internet and phone service.

Don't laugh! I saw how the zombie apocolypse went down in a very detailed dream I had about it a few months ago. Perhaps I'm a bit paranoid, though, because I seemed to be the only one concerned in my dream. As we fled we sold our house to my sister and her husband because they didn't see the problem. Well, we'll see who's brain becomes food in the end! In the mean time here are some of my favorite pictures of my favorite little man:

River and his cousin Collin rough housing

River with his beloved soft taco*

* I love everything about this photo from his cute striped shirt, to his rolled jeans and the food that has fallen on his foot. And yes our kitchen table is usually pretty cluttered.

Star Struck

Last week as I browsed through the updates on all of the blogs I follow I noticed that Kelsey had posted about a Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) Conference in Colorado next month. My initial thought was, "Eh, I better go to those one of these days" and considered this one because it is being held in my state. Then I saw that Kelsey was the key note speaker and I realized that the fires of hell couldn't keep me from this conference! I love Kelsey's blog and would love to get to hear her speak in person. I love her outlook on life and how she takes on loss and challenges. Though we are on different sides of the adoption triangle I learn so much from her example.

So why as an LDS adoptive parent am I indifferent as apposed to anxiously awaiting an FSA Conference in my area? Because I know that those in the adoption triad have a love/hate relationship with LDS Family Services (LDSFS) who hosts the FSA Conferences. And because I understand why many feel this way.

One of the reasons (at least IMHO) that adoption in its current state is unethical is that many adoption professionals, PAP's and AP's fall into the trap of judging the worthiness of expectant parents to parent their child. With my church's focus on eternal, two parent families we are often more suceptible to this judgement. Unfortunately this gets us nowhere positive and in worst case can lead to expectant parents being coersed into choosing adoption. Now, I don't mean to condemn my church, LDSFS, adoption professionals, PAP's or AP's in general. I know many great people who have adopted and placed through LDSFS and know that many do not fall into the judgement trap and even if they do they are not alone. It is a trap we ALL as humans fall into whether the judgement be adoption related or not. I noticed the first time I owned a nice car I found myself "looking down" on those who were driving old beaters similar to what I had been driving just months before. Regardless of their universality, though, judgement and coersion are a large adoption problem internationally and domestically and a big reason why adoption can suck.

That said, I have read positive reviews of FSA Conferences from several bloggers (all firstmoms). So, for that reason, because I thought it a great excuse to invite Angie down to visit us, and because Kelsey is the key note speaker we are going to attend this FSA Conference come hell or high water! If anyone else is planning on attending (hint, hint, Tiffany, hint, hint :) let me know because I would love to meet up with you. For info and registration for the conference click here.