This week I am thankful for the baby steps I have taken in healing emotionally from my issues with fertility. Previously I would have said that I was still the bitter, jealous, angry, fearful, unworthy woman that I was in June 2007 when I found out I was miscarrying. I still have unresolved issues, misguided anger and resentment and I am still as rediculously passive agressive as ever. Recently, though, a good friend told me she was pregnant and though I immediately burst into tears when she did, I was able to recover pretty quickly.
In the past it has taken me at least an hour of sobbing, an entire package of cookies, and a minimum of 6 episodes of "Jersey Shore" to numb myself after a pregnancy announcement. Literally! I never watched an episode of "Jersey Shore" and even mocked it until the pregnancy announcements came rolling in. I found it was the best alternative to hitting myself in the head with a brick or getting college-drink-til-you-puke drunk.
This progress may be only baby steps but I couldn't be more greatful for it. It is neat when you find healing has taken place when you least expect it. It is like finding $20 in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn since last season. Fingers crossed it will be the impetus for more baby steps and hopefully eventually major strides in healing.
2 comments:
Oh, I hope this is the beginning of big time healing for you hun. I remember when I had that realization - that I was healing. It was after we decided to adopt. Congrats on that unexpected $20 in your pocket:).
I hope so, it all takes time and patience and a great deal of kindness to ourselves.Good wishes, x
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