On My Mind - Part II: All Adoption All.The.Time.

So, it has been a while since I really talked adoption. But let me tell you as of recently it is ALL that I think about for several reasons.

First, (and I don't know why I haven't shared this sooner... perhaps because the amount of waiting initially made it disappointing news to me) because we have a court date set to finalize our adoption. On March 9th at 11:00 am we will walk into a court room River's guardians and walk out his parents! River will be 5 days shy of 18 months old on that date.

Second, the tragic events in Haiti. In case you haven't read my previous posts on Haiti or checked out the links under my "All Things Haiti" list, my interest in adopting from Haiti began about a month into our adoption journey with River. My sister lent me a book called "Children of a Lower Flight" by Suzie Krabacher. The copy she lent me was given to her by Suzie herself. Suzie's foundation Mercy & Sharing is dedicated to serving the women and children of Haiti and has several orphanages in Haiti. Since then my sister mentioned to Suzie my interest in adopting from Haiti and she passed on her contact info for me. I have yet to contact Suzie because we want to try to give birth to our next child meaning that our next adoption is (if at all, since I'm only half of the parenting team that needs to be on board) several years out. But then the earthquake happened... estimates soar as high as 200,000 dead. The need down there seems SO great now. I've donated money, signed up through ASCE (American Society of Civil Engineers) to volunteer to help with the recovery efforts which will include so much of what I do on a daily basis (design utilities like water and wastewater systems), etc. So then I begin to wonder if this is also a good time to think seriously about moving my desire to adopt from Haiti up my list of priorities? Adopting transracially and transnationally is NOT a decision to take lightly, though, and so my mind continues to process, research and of course I continue to pray, pray, pray.

Third, I recently read the book "Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother" by Jana Wolff. My adoption discussion board friend Shannon included me on facebook event for her adoptive mommies book club which was reading the book. If I haven't mentioned this before I LOVE the trying to conceive and adoption discussion boards I have joined. The are THE.BEST. I have met such amazing, inspiring women through them that all the tough parts of my journey through infertility, miscarriage and adoption have been worth it to know them! I wouldn't trade anything for the opportunity to have "met" in cyberspace Devika, Rhiannon, (click here to read my previous thoughts on Devika and Rhiannon though all mentioned here are very strong women) Gretchen, Ruth, Shannon, Lynn, Erica, Jill, Cindy, Joy, Jen, and Faith in addition to those who I've come to know through reading their blogs. Ah-hem, sorry I digress... so, back to the book... which was very thought provoking and almost scary at times. Some of her thoughts were so foreign to me I started to question myself and whether or not I'm taking adoption seriously enough. I am going to be doing a series of posts on some of her more interesting thoughts starting this week because that is the only way to do my thoughts as well as hers justice.

Fourth, I had a very touching conversation with River's birth father recently. Notice of the court date to finalize the adoption (unkindly to birth parents everywhere titled "Termination of parent child relationship" as if the court is telling first parents they can no longer interact with this child they have placed for adoption as some form of punishment for their selflessness... grrr) were sent to Angie and River's birth father. To add insult to injury and despite the fact that our adoption is a placement adoption the reason for termination of parental rights was listed as Abandonment - i.e. parent has not seen nor provided support for the child for a minimum of one year. I was furious on behalf of Angie when I read this because I KNOW she has not even come close to abandoning River. Luckily she had much more understanding than I did. Why does the law, especially that regarding adoption, have to be so cold and heartless for birth parents and even adoptees? Anyway, concerned about the terminology used River's birth father called me to discuss this. We had a conference call with our lawyer to explain from a legal standpoint why this reason was used. We also discussed his ethnic background, medical history, and I was reassured several times that he was very happy with the outcome. This means so much for me to hear from Angie and birth father. And it is something that I will miss very much if we adopt internationally or domestically closed next time. Something that I miss for my sake but mostly for our child. So then the question becomes do we stick with domestic open adoptions? If we don't will our other children wish they had the same level of interaction with their first mothers that River does? Is it only fair to stick with similar adoptions so that no children are left to resent their sibling and his connection to his first family? Anyone have any thoughts on this they would like to share?

Fifth, there is a new adoption blog I'm following, Growing Family. This blog is a must read! I found this blog when bored one day at work I decided to see if my blog came up when I searched for the title using Yahoo or Google (it doesn't btw or at least not before page 20 of results). This post - I [don't] Believe in Adoption - caught my eye and I decided to investigate. Seriously isn't she is amazing? She writes so honestly and beautifully about adoption that I am addicted. Every time I sit down to read her posts I walk away with a brand new mouth full of food for thought. Especially related to interracial adoption.

Thank you for bearing with me on this long post. I definitely needed to spill some of my thoughts out on this cyber canvas to prevent a catastrophic event in my little brain :)