The Adoption Blogosphere

For over two years now I've been close friends with the wonderful goddess that is the Adoption Blogosphere. We've shared our most intimate, honest thoughts and feelings over tears, over smiles, over piles of work that I should be doing instead, over sleepless nights, over steaming cups of chamomile tea. I have learned from her, I've grown as an adoptive parent and as a person in general. Through her I've met the most amazing people. People that I've never met in real life, some that don't even know I exist, but people that I love like we've been friends since grade school. People that I cry with and pray for. People that I have nothing and yet everything in common with.

Tired of just reading the fluffy stuff written by other adoptive parents I recently began really getting into the blogs written by the other two sides in the adoption triangle. While I didn't expect flowers, bunnies, and rainbows I was in no way prepared for the depth of negative, angry emotion that I would encounter. Don't get me wrong. Not all are angry. Some are quite positive, others a mix of the two. Regardless of their status on the sliding scale of emotions I became enthralled with their thoughts and feelings. I felt the need to figure out how to prevent or how I would work through each individual situation in the most supportive manner if either River or Angie were to express similar thoughts and feelings. That led to my downfall. That led to the 20 car pile up in my head. Because I couldn't understand where the negative emotions were coming from I often flip-flopped between a desire to fight to defend the honor of myself, River and Angie from their generalized accusations and a desire to hitch a ride with Marty McFly to help right the wrongs that have been done to cause it all.

After a few months of this I realized I was in over my head. I was caught up in the "what ifs." I was absent from the present. I was absent from my son's reality, from Angie's reality. Instead of asking what they need from me I was busy assuming I already knew because of some blog I was reading.

So, my dear friend Adoption Blogosphere I feel it is time that we loose the bond that has tied us together. Not because I don't believe your voices need to be heard. On the contrary I believe they ALL need to be heard. Even the deepest, darkest, angriest ones. Adoption needs reform and it will only come from within. We will only be motivated to push for these reforms when we read those things that make us uncomfotable but that instigate self evaluation and growth. I have learned a lot from you and one of the things I have learned most is that I can't force emotions or reactions on my son. I need to be where he can share his own with me. I am needed here:

and here....

and here:

and most certainly here:

because a) they are having so much fun! and b) look how close those knives are to my bathing son! What kind of mother allows such an unsafe environment for her child?

I won't stop blogging and I won't stop reading. Instead I will listen the most to the other sides of MY adoption triangle and let THEIR emotions trigger action in me.

Kent this is Arnie Pie with Arnie in the Sky. It looks like they have just removed the last of the wreckage from the 20 car pile up that had made such a mess of one poor girl's head. Traffic is officially flowing again. Whew!