Statistically Impossible - Thoughts on what each member of the triad is "allowed" to blog about

I am back to passing the buck!  This time with a post that I have wanted to highlight (and received permission to do so) months ago.  The post was written by I Am, a first father who blogs openly and honestly at Statistically Impossible.  The post is titled:

"First Family Blogs: The Ultimate Downer - OR - Why We Don't Post Recipes"

When I read I am's post I was in a bit of a blogging existential crisis.  Here I was writing a blog with the title "Adoption Ain't For Sissies" and yet only about a third of what I was writing had to do with adoption.  The majority of what I was writing was anywhere from the downer of infertility to light fluffy stuff about how freakin' cute River is.  I even posted recipes.  I felt a bit like a fraud and wondered if I should change the name of my blog to avoid false advertising.  All the first parents and adoptees I follow blog almost exclusively about adoption.  Why am I not pigeonholed like they are?

Enter, I Am's enlightened words in this post...  Very similar to my own thoughts but from the perspective of a first father, a member of the triad that is pigeonholed. 
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from his post:

On Adoptive Parent Blogs - "So far it seems to me that adoptive parents are given license to discuss all aspects of their lives except those that may make casual readers squeamish."

On First Parent Blogs - "First parents are expected to write only about adoption. Their lives beyond the placement of their children is taboo. We don't want to know. It's uncomfortable to think about how dis/similar the first parent is to the casual reader. The birth parent is given the opportunity to speak of pain, grief, anguish, loss, and resent. All the negative aspects of human experience are covered here. Aristotle would be proud. But then there are the subsections. Happy first parents versus unhappy first parents. The chasm between these two groups is nigh unbridgeable."

On Adoptee Blogs - "Then we look at Adoptee writers, who likely have the most limited role of all in the online adoption discussion. I honestly feel terrible about how little voice adoptees have been given in the way we talk and think about adoption. Rather than being given, I think it may be fairer to say adoptees have had their voice ignored and censored. Therefore it makes some sense that the anticipated response from adoptees is one of rage, intense loss, and abandonment."

I've been an avid reader of I Am's blog for a while.  I am so happy that the opinion of at least one first father is out there in adoption blogland.  First fathers seem to be the least represented not only in blogland but also in terms of adoption support in the industry.  Hopefully, this is on the mend, though, as he pointed out in a more recent post, a fledgling first father forum was recently launched.  For more info check out this link:

Birthfather's Recognized

Because this topic fits so well with what shook down over at Circle of Mom's Top Adoption and Foster Care Moms contest I also wanted to highlight Heather's kick ass response on her blog Production, Not Reproduction to what happened to Cassie at Adoption Truth during the voting process when she was deemed not supportive and positive enough about adoption.  My favorite quote from the post:

"I'd argue that voices like Cassi's are the most important, in many regards. Speaking for myself, they give me a view of adoption I do not get anywhere else--not in the mainstream media, not in the most popular adoption books, not in most of the training materials I've been given. It is the people who vulnerably and honestly share about the complexities of adoption--those often labeled "anti-adoption" or "negative--who have most influenced my views of adoption. More than just my views--they have influenced my practice of adoption, my choices as an adoptive parent, my relationships with my children. All for the better. And they are effecting change on a larger scale in terms of adoptee rights and the ethical adoption practices, too."
 
This is EXACTLY why I read blogs written by all members of the triad.  I too have learned the most from those who are labeled "negative" and "anti-adoption." They have helped me to better understand the position of first parents and adoptees and they have helped me to see the flawed state of affairs that adoption has become as an industry.  Sometimes it hurts but that is what parenting is about.  Walking through the valley of the shadow of death or whatever it takes to provide your children with the resources they need to navigate their own.

Despite the debacle, the top two blogs before the contest was pulled were NOT adoptive moms... The Declassified Adoptee and Musings of the Lame... an adoptee and a first mother... and I'm fist pumping Jersey style for that.  Maybe, just maybe this is a sign that we (adoptive parents) are moving closer to mutual respect and a willingness to listen to all adoption opinions.  Regardless of whether or not we agree we all deserve to be heard.