The focus of the NY Times article is the power of "magical thinking" and how we apply it to our own life experience. I don't believe applying "magical thinking" in the form of "destiny", "God's Plan", "karma", etc. is an issue when we designate our individual life experiences as such. To me it seems a natural part of coping that has been ingrained in those that have faith in a higher power.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." ~ Jeremiah 1:5 (New International Version)
Isn't it common for us to have the need to "extract a sense of purpose from the random events that make up our lives?"
However, the article uses the example of how it is applied in adoption and yet adoption is not the story of just one person. It is the story of many. This is where I believe that "magical thinking" doesn't belong and can even become a benevolent way of thinking.
For the most part we use these "magical thinking" platitudes with others because we don't know what else to say in to them in their time of trial. And yet there is still danger because if we believe God is a just god then saying something is part of His plan must mean that we deserve what happens to us or we need it to grow into a better person. This isn't offensive when telling an adoptive parent that it was in His plan for them to adopt. The end result was good. They became parents. But what of the first parents who have to suffer unimaginable loss for adoptive parents to have a positive end result? What about parents of a child who dies of cancer? What of the people who die of starvation due to a lack of resources world wide? They deserved pain and suffering? They needed it to learn and grow as an individual? Absolutely not.
I believe in God. But I'm not naive. I think we can all agree, regardless of creed, that life is NOT fair. Bad things happen to good people as good things happen to those who are bad. Is that part of God's plan? No, I don't believe so. We are all subject to the consequences of our own choices, others' choices, culture, society, our health, mother nature, etc. My ability to choose is part of God's plan, but my choices and how they affect others are not.
Dear Readers: Would you mind sharing your thoughts on "Destiny" and belief in "God's Plan" in a world that seems so unfair? How do you rectify the two? What are your thoughts on using the terms "Destiny" and "Part of God's Plan" in adoption?
--
"You'd find it easier to be bad than good if you
had red hair," said Anne reproachfully. "People who haven't red hair don't know
what trouble is. Mrs. Thomas told me that God made my hair red on
purpose, and I've never cared about Him since." Anne of Green Gables
3 comments:
There's a fundamental assumption that is usually being made when one speaks of "God's plan" or "destiny". That is assumption is justice. It is tempting to believe there is a natural order (be it called destiny, God's plan, karma, or whatever else we can think of) that makes all things fair and equal. Take the American dream as an example. There is a cosmic force that weighs my ability, available resources, attitudes, and moral character into consideration and rewards me through professional progress as a result. It is someone's job, somewhere, to make my sacrifices worthwhile. If they don't I will raise holy hell because it "isn't fair". But this natural order doesn't exist. The far scarier, yet liberating, understanding is Newton's laws don't apply to social structures. There is not an equal and opposite reaction for every action a person takes. Instead we use "destiny" as rouge to cover pain and ugliness that is too intense for us understand without being swept away. God's plan does nothing to protect the person who is vulnerable. It protects the bystanders.
The use of the terms "Gods plan", or "Destiny" is completly valid in use with adoption. What bothers some is that "gods plan" might not be benificial to them.
For example, My wife and I adopted two great kids who fit in with our family, understand their own backstory and know how much we love them. This is "gods plan"
This same plan however, took two really great kids from a mother who did not make good choices, came from a family who didnt make good choices and gave up the kids after Two years of failing to complete rehab. This was the exact same plan.
Gods plan changes according to the individuals free will. Even if "bio-mom" would have gotten clean and she got these kids back, we were still on track to adopt.
Most people and especially "bio-moms" dislike the use of such terms as it reminds them that they arent the central focus of the universe. God may be looking at you less as a beautiful snowflake...and more of a means to an end. I know, this sounds harsh but we all have a role to play and not every role is a happy, justified or feel good role.
http://fartherthanfather.blogspot.com/
Thanks for this good post. If it makes any difference, I'll disclose before I write that I'm an adoption social worker and a Christian.
I really like what you said, that my free will is part of God's plan, but that my choices aren't. I used to tell folks, "nothing happens by accident," and "everything that happens has a purpose." Something like that. I don't know if I believe that any more. It doesn't seem helpful to people in times of pain, and it really presents a view of God as a god who is operating every string in the universe, designing every event, leaving little room for free will.
What makes more sense to me is that, rather than causing everything, God sees everything. And rather than being a catalyst of every event - the cause of cancer, the cause of infertility, the cause of rape - God is instead a creative, caring God who is able to intervene, and also able to redeem situations. Like Joseph said to his brothers... "What you intended for evil, God used for good." God didn't probably plant in Joseph's brothers the desire to kill him or sell him into slavery; God probably didn't like that. But he found a way to redeem the situation.
So how to talk about this in terms of adoption. I don't think God causes all the bad stuff in life that leads people to consider making an adoption plan for their child. Most of my work was in foster care, and the adoptions that happened were of kids who were actually relinquished involuntarily; I don't think God wanted those kids to be neglected or abused. But they were.
So I think what happens is that God redeems situations. Here's an example from foster care. One family struggles with infertility that's actually been caused by choices they made twenty years ago. Another family struggles with drug use. A toddler is left home alone, often.
I don't know that it'd be sensitive, or accurate, or comforting to tell anyone: God wanted this kid to be treated poorly. It misleads the adoptive parents, probably traumatizes the kid, and probably confuses the birth parent. This might be more accurate, for all parties: Sad things happened. God found a way to minimize harm; in doing so, there might even be joy.
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