Note: For those of you not hip to the infertility cyber lingo TTC is short for trying to conceive.
Confession - When it comes to run ins with the law I am squeaky clean. Except for the scarlet letter of my first, and only (knock on wood) speeding ticket back when I was 17. Suffice it to say, "enough time" has passed since then such that even my insurance company doesn't care about it anymore.
Okay, so I know that is not a very juicy confession... but here is where it gets good! Or at least a little better :) Is my squeaky clean record a result of the success of my parents in convincing me that rules are meant to be honored? Can I get a HELL NO?! My parents would laugh in my face if I tried to pretend it was. In reality it is because I literally LOATH being told that I can't do what I am doing by an authority figure (any adult, teacher or law enforcement officer) other than my parents of course. It makes my blood boil. It brings out my inner doppleganger. So, to keep my dark side at bay I avoid stepping outside of the lines.
Now, what do my doppleganger and record of not causing trouble have to do with TTC? I am absolutely petrified of getting back into TTC. The mere thought is enough to get my body shaking and my most recent meal trying to force its way back up to the surface.
The reason I FEAR getting back into TTC so much? I fear my body, God, the Universe, or whichever authority figure is responsible for my pervious fertility issues again will say, "NO! I order you to stop what you are doin' right now!" Then, with a big wad of chaw in the lower lip, hands on gun belt, and a southern drawl will ask me, "What were you thinkin'? What made you think you could git away with git'n pregnant or successfully giv'n birth to yer own child? We have laws 'round here! We have society to think of! Children to protect! ... People like you make me sick!"
6 comments:
TTC is absolutely no fun when you try for years w/o success. Although I'd love a third child, I don't have the stomach to go through it all again so if we have #3 it will have to happen without us really trying. I hope your ttc journey is speedy and has a super duper happy ending!!
Thank you so much, Ruth! I hope so, too :)
jump on in with me girl, it's a lousey journey but somebody's gotta do it!
btw I use a digital thermometer.
Sometimes I wonder if people, such as you and I, suffered from infertility because we were meant to adopt River and Yohanna. Just sayin'....;0) Good luck!!!
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry! LOL! I get sick just thinking about starting fertility stuff again, too. And, some days, I feel like a failure for quitting it all (as you know from my post, thank you for your comment, by the way:)). I hate it for different reasons than you, I think, but I still hate it. Good luck, dear! I think it will be easier this time...because after you get a blood test, take a pill, do an IUI, you can come home and see your dear son's face. I have to believe that would make it easier (I'll weigh in on it one day when I have a baby, too:)). It certainly can't make it fun, though, and for that I'm sorry! Take care!
Ugh, TTC is so stressful, I totally get your fear and anxiety! I'm a bit of a control freak myself, so knowing something is beyond my control drives me nuts! LOL!
By the way, my blog went private for a while. Email me if you would like an invite! :)
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