River's Choice

I follow a blog on RSS Feed that is actually a series of comics written by Jess and Bert who are both Vietnamese adult adoptees. It is called Adopted the Comic. I love their comic/blog for so many reasons but first and foremost because it is such a huge relief as a voracious reader of the adoption blogosphere to have a place where we can go to laugh together. So much of what I read is gut wrenching, educational, sometimes accusatory and almost always emotionally taxing. Nothing is wrong with that. That is what I want. I want to learn. But I want to laugh, too. Laughter has mighty powers of healing and teaching, too. If humor was a drug I would be considered an addict :)

One of their most recent comics brought up a great question for me to consider and for you to consider if you are interested. (Note: this is a fun experiment even if you aren't an adoptive parent) Check it out here:

If Adoptees Could Choose

If the choice of adoptive parents was in the hands of adoptees how different would their adoptive parents look? For non-adoptive parents, if the choice of parents was in the hands of the child how different would their parents look? Because, really this question could be asked of any child. What choice did any of us have in who our parents are? In adoption, though, there is that period of time where the range of possible parents is almost infinite.

So, what do I think River's choice of adoptive parents would look like? Right now I think he would prefer adoptive parents that wouldn't foil his mischievous shenanigans, would allow him to destroy any laptop he so chose, would allow him to stay up all night and drink caffeinated beverages all day, and would let him live outside permanently, feral.

As he gets older I imagine he may wish his adoptive parents were more affluent than we are, didn't sing silly songs in public that embarass him, didn't insist on always eating whole, unprocessed, organic food because his friends totally aren't into that "stupid green stuff" and make fun of his packed lunches, played the sports he is interested in so that we could teach him to excel in them just like us, weren't LDS because it ain't no Sunday Only religion and some people think we are weird and part of a cult.

As he starts to process his adoptee status and what that means for him as he develops his identity what characteristics will be the most important to him? Would he prefer to have adoptive parents that could afford to send him to any college of his choice? Would he prefer to have adoptive parents with a large family so that he can have many siblings to play with and share his childhood with? Would he prefer those siblings to be adopted as well? Would he prefer to have adoptive parents that can afford to take him around the world so he has a more rounded view of world politics and the importance of diversity? Or will the simple things like letting him stay up late and eat fast food have the most importance to him? I don't really know yet. He is still too young to have any preference, really. But it is an interesting question to continue to ask myself throughout my journey as a parent. I think it just may be a great way to reevaluate my course and determine if I'm headed in the right direction. No, I'm not going to let him get away with murder, but I do want to be the adoptive mother he needs and would want me to be.

Here are some other great comics from the same site:

Parental Worries - My FAVORITE. Because while I know that adoption involves loss and grief it is comforting to know that I'm not the only category of parent that wonders if their child's behavior is a sign that I effed up. And I love the "Hey, as parents we are all going to eff up in some way or another so get over yourself!" message at the end.

Greatest Fear - Bert says in the written part of the post: "... this one comes from what seems to be a huge fear and elephant in the room for adoptive parents in that they fear having the conversation about adoption with their adopted kiddo(s). It’s almost like the “sex” talk (and if you think about it, you have to have the sex talk to have the adopted talk, so you should all think about that!).

Parents are always scared of it, probably because it’s new to them. But the funny thing is, for us adoptees, it just is. We don’t know any different and secretly chuckle at the fear. 'Hey, we’re adopted. Cool. Can I go back to playing video games now?'"

Arizona - Whether you agree with the way Arizona has decided to deal with illegal immigration or not you can't deny this is funny :)