Snow is coming. He has been saying this since the beginning of August. Every time he sees storm clouds he points to them and says, "Snow is coming." What the math? It is still summer! This observation is generally followed by "Hard to drive (or walk) in snow." How does he know that? Does he really remember? We certainly don't talk about it. To me the word fall is another "f-bomb" right now and yet River has already made his way to winter. Where on earth did he get this from? I blame Calliou and that rogue Christmas episode on-demand...
Hard to reach. Anything that isn't within his immediate grasp is "hard to reach." That includes everything from the spoon he threw on the floor, to the moon (which he loves to point out whenever he sees it and kid has a spankin' eye for that fickle moon).
Heard a noise in there. This one he started to say while we were in MT visiting Angie. And when he said it, it scared me real good! While visiting we stayed in the guest bedroom in Angie's basement. Right next door to the guest bedroom is the downstairs family room/man cave of Angie's husband. It went unused while we were there and the light remained off until one night when we were getting ready for bed and River said, "That room, scary." I didn't think much of this comment because the room was dark and children all have a healthy fear of the dark. He followed that up, though, with, "Heard a noise in there." Thanks, Bug. We still have to sleep down here tonight. Thus the light was turned on and stayed that way for the rest of our visit. Since that night he has said it several times thankfully not scaring me as badly.
Look Mommy, River is strong! This is generally followed by a silly walk that looks like he just got off of a horse all bow-legged and decided to start flexing his muscles.
Not all of his favorite phrases are easy to hear, though. One of the more recent phrases he has begun to use cuts me to the core and makes me question the decisions I have made as an adoptive and working mom.
River miss Mommy. It isn't always "miss Mommy." Sometimes it is "River miss Daddy (or Mimi, Papa, Abby, Grandma, Angie, etc.)" Sometimes it is even cute when he randomly says, "River miss Toby." You may not consider this a big deal. I got into an argument with one of my business partners (who is also a good friend) over whether this is just a standard child thing. My concern, though, is that he uses this phrase more than any other. He uses it when he is playing with his toys or reading books. The other night we read a book about Noah's Ark which had an animal matching game. Because the matching animals were not together he said repeatedly, "Animals miss their mommies." Recently I was watching him starry-eyed, proud mommy-style during his individual play time. As part of the conversation he was having with his vehicles he said, "Tractor miss his mommy." When I hear this phrase or any variation thereof I question myself and despair over the impact that the decisions we as adults have made about the course of River's life and how they are now and will continue to affect him.
3 comments:
Awww, that is so sweet! I love when they finally use language like this! As for the missing mommy theme - one thing I would say is to try not to put your adult meaning to his child meaning of the phrase. Just like snow is coming, he is working through a complicated concept with language and he does that by repeating something over and over again. Missing you is a normal developmental milestone, too. I know the feeling though - mommy guilt, especially adoptive mommy guilt, is a strong force in my life...
Adoptees suffer loss as you know, be mindful but not overconcentrated.
Thank you, Faith and Von. You are both right. I need to better balance my vigilance. I don't want him to feel he can't talk about his feelings but I don't need to weigh him down by attaching heavy meaning to every small thing he says. That can be just as burdensome as not having an outlet to speak.
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